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August 30, 2009: "I Hate Vampires" 
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Post Re: August 30, 2009: "I Hate Vampires"
Patrick wrote:
Vexer wrote:
I don't like either the old or new vampires much really, vampire films have always been my least favorite horror sub-genre, mostly cause they're just so dman boring most of the time, I absolutely hated the massively overpraised Near Dark for alot of reasons, but mainly cause it was such a massive sturggle just to staw awake through the whole damn thing! And all this Twilight shit makes me sick to my stomach, even my sister, who falls squarely into Twilight's target audience wouldn't touch that series witch a ten-foot pole. I sincerely hope that Meyer never writes another Twilight book for the rest of her life, but I know damn well that's about as likely to happen as finding diamonds buried n my backyard.


Remember that latest Twilight Meyers was writing that got leaked and she stopped working on it cause she was too sad? Yeah, I think that's the last we've seen of the Twilight books until Meyers stops being a bitch and writes that book.
YES! Meyers is one strange individual indeed, I hope she stays so depressed that she never writes again! I doubt anybody would call that a cruel statement.


Sun Aug 30, 2009 4:53 pm
Post Re: August 30, 2009: "I Hate Vampires"
Maybe I'm the only one, but I would absolutely love to see the Dracula puppet musical from Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

Also, since vampires don't pump blood (as James points out), how would one have sex with one as the male organ must fill with blood to perform the act?


Sun Aug 30, 2009 10:33 pm
Post Re: August 30, 2009: "I Hate Vampires"
I'm not a big vampire fan either. However, I think saturation is just as bad as the emasculation. There are vampires in movies, television, book and video games. Even Guillermo Del Toro recently (co)authored the first of a three part vampire novel. In his defense, he claims that his vampires are brutal and not romantic.

Image

vfefrenzy wrote:
Also, since vampires don't pump blood (as James points out), how would one have sex with one as the male organ must fill with blood to perform the act?


Maybe they constantly live in a highly excited state of stimulation.


Mon Aug 31, 2009 1:32 am
Post Re: August 30, 2009: "I Hate Vampires"
There was a vampire movie George Romero made in the 1970s called Martin, about a young man who may or may not be a vampire and who uses razorblades to get his blood fix. It's hardly ever talked about in "best horror movies" discussions but I thought it was a pretty good deconstruction of the whole genre.

I really don't get the new romantic appeal of vampires either. They're pretty much dead from the neck down. The whole drinking blood thing from the neck was supposed to be a nasty sexual allusion anyways.


Mon Aug 31, 2009 6:26 am
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Post Re: August 30, 2009: "I Hate Vampires"
Whether you like the new vampires seems to be a generational thing. My college-age kids love these stories, but like JB, I think these nouveau vampires are pretty worthless.

I also enjoyed Herzog's Nosferatu, although I wouldn't call it the best vampire movie ever made. Herzog is famous for his long takes, and in this film some of the scenes were stretched almost past the point of endurance. Nevertheless, it had some remarkable images, and the best ending for any vampire movie I've seen.

And I'll say one thing good about Bram Stoker's Dracula. Yes, I agree with JB that Keanu Reeves was horrendous, and Anthony Hopkins was chewing the scenery. But I thought Gary Oldman's version of Dracula was the best I'd seen since Christopher Lee.


Mon Aug 31, 2009 9:02 am
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Post Re: August 30, 2009: "I Hate Vampires"
The real question is where does Dracula: Dead and Loving It fit into all of this?


Mon Aug 31, 2009 9:05 am
Post Re: August 30, 2009: "I Hate Vampires"
I agree with the original review, but there are two things I'd like to bring up:

1. Wimpy vampires go back at least as far as "Dark Shadows" (on TV), to which my sister, who was 13 at the time, was addicted. I couldn't stand it.

2. There was an interesting movie called Martin in the 70s, directed by George Romero, in which the main character was either a 17-year-old psychotic boy or a 80-year-old vampire.
He was a fairly sympathetic character, but I wouldn't consider the movie a wimpy vampire movie. It was still definitely a horror movie, but psychological horror movie, not a monster movie. I liked the movie a good deal.


Mon Aug 31, 2009 11:25 am
Post Re: August 30, 2009: "I Hate Vampires"
Near Dark.


Mon Aug 31, 2009 11:28 am
Post Re: August 30, 2009: "I Hate Vampires"
Confession: I read all the "Twilight" books, and enjoyed them. BUT, I do think Myers is a crappy writer, and that the books are, essentially the best selling pieces of 2nd rate Fan Fiction of all time...

That being said, Meyers vampires ARE a little on the wussy side, but I think she does come up with some interesting ideas. Unfortunately, they are all crammed into the 4th book. The vampire world she mostly ignores until the last half of that book seems more rich and diverse than the Cullens and their oh-so-perfect ways. The non-Cullen vampires are brutal and far more nasty than the main characters. I would say I'd have liked to see her expand on that side of the story, but I don't really trust her skills as a writer.

Im not going to try and be an apologist for the books. They are what they are: pulpy, Mary-Sue ridden pieces of schlock.


Mon Aug 31, 2009 3:28 pm
Post Re: August 30, 2009: "I Hate Vampires"
I'm at a crossroads here. I've never been that interested in horror for horrors sake, but I too see vampires as soulless bloodsuckers in league with Satan or demonic forces in general. Is there any argument for them simply being another type of human, albeit an undead kind with superpowers and a need to drink blood?


Mon Aug 31, 2009 4:11 pm
Post Re: August 30, 2009: "I Hate Vampires"
Ok, I must confess that I liked the "new" vampire ever since Ann Rice because, frankly, I found it more compelling than the old "I am a monster" vampire. Then again, I never found monster movies the least bit interesting so I guess I am a typical crossover case (i.e. people like me are the reason vamps got wussed).

I believe that the new vamp is essentially a cross of the werewolf and the vampire. Old werewolf movies used to focus on the horror of being a human who is cursed by the gypsies to go on a once-monthly murderous spree. But they weren't really in control at the time. "New, improved" vampirism, however, allowed the monster to have its broody cake and eat it. The "horror" is that there *is* a human in the body, commiting all these atrocities. This gives the critter an emotional spin and allows the audience to at least consider for a moment how monsters are created, but don't step fully formed from the ground...

It is also perhaps a reflection of the our awareness, over the last century of serial killers and psychopathic murderers, that human are the worse monsters.

To sum up, maybe the old vamp movies were better, but I didn't like them. I like the new vamps much better, and I don't care that they're wusses; if I want to watch something really scary, my copy of Blood Diamond sits right there on the shelf, and is guaranteed to make my blood run cold every time.


Mon Aug 31, 2009 5:13 pm
Post Re: August 30, 2009: "I Hate Vampires"
Will Hatch wrote:
I'm at a crossroads here. I've never been that interested in horror for horrors sake, but I too see vampires as soulless bloodsuckers in league with Satan or demonic forces in general. Is there any argument for them simply being another type of human, albeit an undead kind with superpowers and a need to drink blood?


Some mythos (mythi?) have gone that route, most notably Forever Knight.


Mon Aug 31, 2009 8:33 pm
Post Re: August 30, 2009: "I Hate Vampires"
My favorite vampire movie since the 70s has got to be the original "The Night Stalker" movie, with Darren McGavin. The vampire he battled was truly a bad one! The script was by the great Richard Matheson, who knew how to honor the myth. Awesome.

The second movie ("The Night Strangler") was not nearly as good, but still not bad - set in the underground of Seattle, with an "undead" man taking the place of the iconic vampire. The two of them together kicked off the series "The Night Stalker" a few years afterwards, and it was rather bad.

But that original movie, with its haunted house finale... God I do love it.


Tue Sep 01, 2009 12:19 am
Post Re: August 30, 2009: "I Hate Vampires"
You believe that the Hammer Dracula movies were really "infinitely superior the Lugosi one," James? I'd be interesting to see your review of The Horror of Dracula to hear why that is.


Tue Sep 01, 2009 8:01 pm
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Post Re: August 30, 2009: "I Hate Vampires"
Max M. wrote:
You believe that the Hammer Dracula movies were really "infinitely superior the Lugosi one," James? I'd be interesting to see your review of The Horror of Dracula to hear why that is.


You can get a sense of how I feel about the 1931 film by reading that review. I haven't seen any of the Hammer Draculas in over a decade so I'd have to re-watch them to provide a proper analysis, but I do not hold Browning's movie is high regard. Unlike FRANKENSTEIN, which has held up fairly well, DRACULA is so badly dated that it almost functions as a comedy.


Tue Sep 01, 2009 11:43 pm
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Post Re: August 30, 2009: "I Hate Vampires"
James Berardinelli wrote:
To say that vampires are overexposed today is to understate matters. They're "in" like never before, in large part due to the bastardization committed by a hack writer named Stephanie Meyer. Meyer is the literary equivalent of P.T. Barnum. Her skills as a writer are sub-par. She's not a very good storyteller. And she has emasculated vampires, turning them into bad boys with pasty skin.


Amen.
You are officially my hero.


Wed Sep 02, 2009 3:39 am
Post Re: August 30, 2009: "I Hate Vampires"
It's worth noting the fact that Vampires, as envisioned by Bram Stoker are a relatively recent development of the Gothic Horror lore, appearing nearly a hundred and fifty years after the "genre" is supposed to have come together.
The idea of a dark but tantalising stranger was by no means new but by playing on certain myths and ledgends, Stoker created what has become today's idea of the "proper" Vampire.
To me it seems like modern Horror, especially Vampire stories, are borrowing a lot more influence from the early Gothic roots where romance and the study of the human condition played a significant part in the storytelling process. Dracula was to these stories what Transformers the Movie was to the classisc Bond movies really.


Wed Sep 02, 2009 10:50 pm
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Joined: Wed Jun 10, 2009 11:42 am
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Post Re: August 30, 2009: "I Hate Vampires"
One of my favorite shows is Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Not all of the vampires are good, some were pure evil. One character from the start was written to be a good vampire. Made it more interesting when he became bad. I like both ways, and enjoy each for what it is. I really enjoyed 30 days of night, it was an excellent vampire movie. I liked some of the ideas and the world Stephanie Meyer created in Twilight, but her writing is not very good so I am having a hard time getting through the second book, the first I listened to on audiobook.

I guess I accept things for what they are and bring to the table and not what they seemingly take away from others. I do not think Buffy and Twilight are in the same category, or I should say Joss Whedon and Stephanie Meyer are not in the same category. Buffy was a superhero story, just a fantasy one, Twilight is a melodramatic love story with emphasis on the melodramatic and I think her book got worse in the movie setting.


Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:30 pm
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Post Re: August 30, 2009: "I Hate Vampires"
Add 'Thirst' to the list of vampire films worth seeing.


Sat Sep 05, 2009 7:16 am
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Post Re: August 30, 2009: "I Hate Vampires"
John Carpenter's Vampires had awesome vampires. In that movie, the vampires were brutal.

I love the Blade movies, but their version of Dracula sucked so badly. And Dominic Purcell, who was so damn great in Prison Break, was terrible in the third Blade movie sadly.

Never seen Twilight. I may check it out but I don't expect it to be good.

I've only seen 1 episode of True Blood and I can't say that I'm really a fan.

The upcoming CW TV series The Vampire Diaries looks awful. It looks even worse than Twilight.


Mon Sep 07, 2009 1:15 am
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