I'll start-

The Princess Bride of Young Frankenstein

Inspired to even higher megolomaniacal heights after successfully creating a six-fingered man, Dr. Frankenstein successfully achieves the inconceivable by creating and bringing to life an entire person. When the creature is animated by a combination of a Miracle Pill and Iocane powder, and told his story by Dr. Frankenstein's kindly grandfather, he immediately turns on the lab assistant and says,

"I have no name, your name is Igor, you stole my brain, prepare to die!"

Calmed by Dr. Frankenstein with the soft playing of the violin, the creature expresses his loneliness. The good doctor then commissions a giant, a Sicilian, and Madeline Kahn to kidnap a princess from the neighboring country of Guilder to be the creature's betrothed. They fall in love and, having been imprinted by a love for music by the soothing violinic stylings of the good doctor, the young couple runs off and creates their own musical variety show, "The Monster in Black.".

Driven into the Fire Swamp by an angry mob of townspeople upset at the low production values of their theatrical masterpiece, the pyrophobic couple are driven mad by the unexpected pillars of flame and, unable to defend themselves, are attacked and consumed by a voracious pack of Rodents Of Unusual Size.

And there is no kissing.

Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan Titanic

Admiral Kirk must combat Khan who is threatening to blow up the Titanic with the Genesis Device, cleverly disguised as an iceberg, after finding his car has soiled by two star crossed lovers. Spock must find a way of saving the ship after the engines are disabled and Kirk must choose between drop kicking Montalban, di Caprio or Zane to win over Kate Winslet.

The Empire Brokeback to the Future

Luke McFlywalker is an innocent young farmhand, being raised by his aunt & uncle on a remote planet in a galaxy far, far away. After getting drunk in the local cantina, he returns home to the farm and attempts to take advantage of one of the house droids in the workshop. Shocked into unconsciousness by the 1.21 gigawatts of electricity generated by the droid's anti-sodomy defense mechanism, Luke awakes to find himself on the planet Earth, ca. 1950. Stumbling into the local diner, he is ridiculed for his flamboyant clothing and attacked by the local bully, Biff Fett. Rescued from the beating by the mad, eccentric Dr. Darth Brown, and taken to his mansion on Sith Road, Luke finally finds the the adult figure of responsibility he has been yearning for. The bond between them grows and they decide to take a camping trip to the nearby mountain.

While consumating their blossoming love in a carefully backlit tent, Dr. Darth is horrified to see the flaming light saber birthmark unique to his family prominently displayed on the young man's right buttock. Appalling realization sets in and he exclaims, "I'm your father, Luke!"

The Last Wonder Emporium on the Left

Two young women become trapped in a magical toy store and suffer unspeakable torture at the hands of its lisping, delightfully eccentric owner.

Hostel For Dogs


Eli Roth's twisted journey through eastern European kennels with Emma Roberts as the plucky/insane rich American that has an extra $50,000.00 to burn.

Groundhog Days of Thunder.

Hell.

This is hilarious, great thread!

I'll take my inspiration from a British band name and present you

The Good, the Bad & the Queen

Hard times for British monarch Queen Elizabeth II (Helen Mirren). Her subjects are incensed about her lack of a response over the death of Princess Diana. Fortunately, a Man with No Name (Clint Eastwood) is at hand to shoot her off the gallows whenever uppity commoners attempt to lynch her. However, the Man with No Name gets tired of this fruitless endeavour and leaves the Queen stranded in the Scottish Highlands, which elicits the response "I am not amused, Blondie!" After a lengthy pursuit, the Queen manages to turn the tables on the Man with No Name and forces him to pull her broken down Landrover back to Balmoral Castle. On the way, they encounter a stagecoach filled with dying Confederates, er, make that Scottish Nationalists. One of them tells the Queen that the heart of the Kingdom has been buried along with Princess Diana, but doesn't tell her where she is buried. He also tells the Man with No Name at which cemetary the grave containing the heart of the UK is located. The Queen and the Man with No Name then gang up in order to retrieve the heart of the UK, before dastardly Tony "Angel Eyes" Blair (Martin Sheen) gets there.

Okay, I'm off to write the screenplay and send it to Uwe Boll.

Do The Knight Thing


Mookie works in a pizza shop at day... and is a masked vigilante by night, taking care of racist hoodlums and impregnating various women after doing favors for them. At one point in the film, he, as Mookie, starts a riot in a pizza shop, and then leaves and returns as Batmook to save Sal from the smoky ruins of the shop. Sal survives, but has burns on the entire right side of his body and lost his son Pino to the flames, and vows vengeance on Mookie, who must also reconcile his trust with Sal's other son, Vito, who Mookie trusted enough to share his identity with, who blames Mookie for both starting the fire and Batmook for arriving too late to save his brother. It all culminates in a bloodbath in front of a decaying church, with everyone getting their just deserts... unless the NYPD has anything to say about it!

Woody Allen's Match Point Break.

Woody Allen is bronze-skinned, 200-pounds-of-muscle champion surfer Gerald "Bodhi" Goodman, a man who plays by only one set of rules: he goes where the ocean sends him. Enter Christina "Nebraska" Rorschach (Scarlett Johansson) and her nubile crew of oversexed bank robbing surfers.

Will Gerald give up his philosophy of "surf first, screw second, and never ask questions" in order to live in an all-nude Barcelona flat with Christina, Fay (Jennifer Love-Hewitt), Marsha (Rebecca Hall), Kathryn (Kristen Bell), and Lola (Mila Kunis)? Can Gerald take up a life of crime in order to pay for the expensive flat or will his 23-hour-a-day marathon lovemaking threaten his first true love: the ocean?

The Demolition Inside Man

Dalton Russell (Welsley Snypes) plans the perfect bank robbery and the city is forced to release the cryogenically frozen Keith Frazier (Sylvester Stallone), a super soldier from the past to stop him.

I challenge anyone to attempt this one:
Harry Potter and the Quantum of Solace

:p

Behold!- Rocky and the Dark Knight's Excellent Adventure With Batman and Robin

After suffering brain damage from his fight with Apollo Creed, Rocky goes crazy, puts on Adrian's makeup and becomes- gasp- the Joker! Now he's running around giving unintelligible speeches! The only ones who can stop him are Batman and Robin, but unfortunately, they are too busy fighting over poison ivy to do anything about it. Meanwhile Mr. Freeze, now the govenor of California, has turned it into a winter wonderland, and is forcing everyone to laugh at his "ice puns". Bill and Ted, sick of listening to Arnold's cringeworthy one-liners, decide to use their spare timetraveling booth to the future to bring back the Christian Bale Batman from The Dark Knight to combat the pansies that have ruined the world. Will our heroes prevail? To be continued. Same Bat Time. Same Bat Channel.

Blade Running Man

The near future. Brutal TV entertainment is provided by letting artificial humans, called Replicants, be hunted in a maze. To become a real human they have to survive. Of course that is unwanted by the society.
One Replicant sets out not only to beat the system but show that the real humans are inhumane by allowing such entertainment.

In the end the movie is an action trash fest with an underlying message that non of the average viewers will get.

The Da Vinci Knowing

Nicolas Cage has the supernatural ability to see exactly one year into the future and learn what terrible movie he'll be making next. After the vision, Cage has exactly 1 week to back out of the movie any way he can -- killing his agent, radical drug therapy, checking into rehab -- anything that will prevent him from making yet another terrible movie that features yet another awful performance. The last scene will be the world celebrating National Treasure III, Knowing 2: Knowing More, Scandinavia Dangerous, Ghost Rider Rides Again, and Gone in 30 Seconds never having been made and Nicolas Cage thanked by the the world's many nations for preventing himself from making another 200 bad acting decisions in a row.

Boogie Knights


A close introspective of the adult entertainment industry in the middle ages.

Well played.

American Pi

An introverted, migraine -prone mathematician and his obnoxious, stereotypically horny friends make a pact to lose their virginity before prom...when they stumble upon a 216 digit number that, when recited, causes any woman hearing the number to have sex with the first person she sees. Problems and hilarity ensue once a secret Jewish cabal and the U.S. government get wind of this and a race to the finish is underway. Will our boys lose their virginity before the government gains and weaponizes the code? Will Israel get a sexy countermeasure to deter other middle eastern threats? Does having sex with pies cure headaches?

I must have missed this the first time I read through the post. Hilarious.

"Knowing 2: Knowing More" LOL

National Treasure of the Sierra Madre

While mining for gold, Nicolas Cage finds a gold nugget that has a map to find the Holy Grail. His partner, Humphrey Bogart, shoots Cage for the gold and we never have to see Nic Cage ever again.

"The Hunt for Red October Sky"

When strategic missle defense was still a coalminer's son's dream, a Russian submarine lies just off the coast in wait; intentions unknown.

The Wicker Man of La Mancha

Nicolas Cage plays a delusional man who believes he's Don Quixote, on a mission to wear a bear suit and punch as many women as possible.