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Solve this problem for me 
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Post Solve this problem for me
OK, for years my Wife and I have thought about emigrating. We've been together nearly 10 years and it's been the case pretty much from day 1.

Obviously things happen; I went back to college, we got married, bought a house, had a Daughter, and now all of a sudden the idea is back in our heads.

We both earn a good, solid living in a region that is not known for its affluence. And on the one hand we should be, and are, grateful for what we have. But on the other we are both stiffled and slowly counting the years (I'm 30, she's 31).

Both of us are unsatisfied at work and not completely satisfied in our social lives. I would be saying au-revoir to a lot of loved ones if we left, but I know for a fact that I will regret not bursting out of this bubble when I'm 50+ if I don't now, and knowing that makes me feel a little sick.

On the one hand, we'd perhaps be compromising our Daughter by throwing away a "comfortable" life on a risk, but on the other hand surely we're setting a bad example by merely tolerating our existence. My mind goes back and fourth between these two arguments on a daily basis.

This has been aggravated by the fact that an old friend of mine who lives all of 30 yards from me starts a job in New Zealand in Febuary, after doing a Lester Burnham at work.

Any advice, stories, anecdotes, etc, appreciated.

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Thu Nov 08, 2012 11:34 am
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Post Re: Solve this problem for me
Maybe you should consider taking a job in the U.S. and ask your daughter how she feels about it?


Thu Nov 08, 2012 12:47 pm
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Post Re: Solve this problem for me
She's only 3.

But I do fancy the US. I have family in Michigan.

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Fri Nov 09, 2012 5:07 am
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Post Re: Solve this problem for me
The grass is not always greener. I know several people from the UK who went to Australia or New Zealand and were bored out of their heads after a year. There's a distinct lack of culture compared with the UK.

The US is much more varied. A colleague went to work in San Francisco and came back two years later, but my next door neighbour went to work in Connecticut for a while and has never come back.


Fri Nov 09, 2012 5:12 am
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Post Re: Solve this problem for me
NotHughGrant wrote:
She's only 3.

But I do fancy the US. I have family in Michigan.

Michigan's a nice state, i've been on vacation there several times, once to Detroit, twice to Grand Rapids, and once to Traverse City, which was my all-time favorite vacation, absolutely beautiful place to live, if you haven't been there, you really owe it to yourself to see it.


Fri Nov 09, 2012 5:21 am
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Post Re: Solve this problem for me
I live in Michigan. That automatically makes it 50 times as awesome as any other place.

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Fri Nov 09, 2012 8:00 am
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Post Re: Solve this problem for me
I have family in Grand Rapids. My Great Aunt was a GI Bride.

Which I'm fairly sure is code for saying an American Soldier stole her from her good, solid, English Christian home in the 1940s. :)

I've never been there, but I did visit the US back in 1997 when my Dad ran a college exchange programme with Athens College in Georgia.

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Fri Nov 09, 2012 8:42 am
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Post Re: Solve this problem for me
NotHughGrant wrote:

Both of us are unsatisfied at work and not completely satisfied in our social lives. I would be saying au-revoir to a lot of loved ones if we left, but I know for a fact that I will regret not bursting out of this bubble when I'm 50+ if I don't now, and knowing that makes me feel a little sick.

On the one hand, we'd perhaps be compromising our Daughter by throwing away a "comfortable" life on a risk, but on the other hand surely we're setting a bad example by merely tolerating our existence. My mind goes back and fourth between these two arguments on a daily basis.



I always encourage people to scratch the travel/move itch, because it's something that won't go away and something I’m so glad I did. Your loved ones will always love you, and if you're not happy in your work and social life, go for it.

In 2004, I was 26 and was sick of the way my life was running. I had a good job at an inner city Melbourne Real Estate firm and a nice girlfriend, but new settling down with her was never on the cards. My social circle was the problem. Every weekend my friends and I would go to a club (which we'd been doing for years), take pills or sometimes cola, then battle through work until Thursday when my MIND and body would recover from the previous weekend, than do it all over again come Friday or Saturday night.

I wanted to move overseas but couldn’t get a job working as a Property Manager, I had no other skills (Bartending or anything like that), and no savings.

I put in job applications to Real Estate firms in Brisbane and Perth and landed a job in Perth which I didn’t know whether to take. I knew a couple of people over there but hadn’t seen them in years. I was leaving behind ten years of great memories in a city I loved with a girl I liked.

I thought fuck it, if it all falls through I’ll be able to come back and hopefully get another job in Melbourne, or at the very worst move back to Shepparton, in country Victoria, (two and a half hours away from Melbourne) and live with my parents until something else comes up. Also too I thought, isn’t Perth a beautiful city with a lovely climate? I could rent myself a place on the beach.

Long story short (or shorter) within a few weeks of moving to Perth, I caught up with some old friends from Shepparton and met my future wife, and have never taken drugs to the extent I once did. (Or have occasionally on that ‘once off night’ that I can justify..) Perth sucked though. It was nothing like Melbourne and my partner’s male friends and I had literally nothing in common. Also too, looking after a rental portfolio in Melbourne is so different to Perth it’s a fucking joke. It wasn’t hard for me to see why per capita, there are more millionaires in Perth than anywhere else. The two Real Estate firms I worked for were, well, not that thorough on RIWA laws, or not that keen on bikies killing them over a deal. When I see films set in Texas, it reminds me of (Perth) Western Australia, the place is just so different to Melbourne or Sydney. Whenever I revisit the place, I feel like I’m heading back to the Wild West.

The three years I spent in Perth I genuinely hated because I missed home, and couldn’t tolerate those backward redneck freaks. In hindsight, the three years spent completely out of my element were what I needed. When we moved back to Melbourne in 2007, my friends and I were all still close, but drugs didn’t rule our lives. I lost a couple of good friends, mainly because their partners were cunt whore control freaks, and I had someone who I loved and respected validating my thoughts.

Sorry if that was a ramble NotHughGrant. Our situations were/are so different. If you can afford the move and it won’t impact your daughter’s life in terms of paying for education etc down the track, go for it. For better or for worse, you’ll have scratched the itch. Also too, you’re a lawyer if I remember correctly? If you can tee up employment (which no doubt you probably could) prior to leaving embrace the adventure.

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Fri Nov 09, 2012 11:31 am
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Post Re: Solve this problem for me
I certainly can't tell you what is best for your family. It sounds as though your wife is of the same mind - so that is a very good thing. People often worry about displacing their children, but having grown up in a military family, we moved every few years and it didn't seem to have any detrimental effects on us or our childhood friends that were in the same mode. If you already know you'll regret it if you don't then .... Just try to make sure your wife is really all in for it.


Fri Nov 09, 2012 1:17 pm
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Post Re: Solve this problem for me
wisey wrote:
NotHughGrant wrote:

Both of us are unsatisfied at work and not completely satisfied in our social lives. I would be saying au-revoir to a lot of loved ones if we left, but I know for a fact that I will regret not bursting out of this bubble when I'm 50+ if I don't now, and knowing that makes me feel a little sick.

On the one hand, we'd perhaps be compromising our Daughter by throwing away a "comfortable" life on a risk, but on the other hand surely we're setting a bad example by merely tolerating our existence. My mind goes back and fourth between these two arguments on a daily basis.



I always encourage people to scratch the travel/move itch, because it's something that won't go away and something I’m so glad I did. Your loved ones will always love you, and if you're not happy in your work and social life, go for it.

In 2004, I was 26 and was sick of the way my life was running. I had a good job at an inner city Melbourne Real Estate firm and a nice girlfriend, but new settling down with her was never on the cards. My social circle was the problem. Every weekend my friends and I would go to a club (which we'd been doing for years), take pills or sometimes cola, then battle through work until Thursday when my MIND and body would recover from the previous weekend, than do it all over again come Friday or Saturday night.

I wanted to move overseas but couldn’t get a job working as a Property Manager, I had no other skills (Bartending or anything like that), and no savings.

I put in job applications to Real Estate firms in Brisbane and Perth and landed a job in Perth which I didn’t know whether to take. I knew a couple of people over there but hadn’t seen them in years. I was leaving behind ten years of great memories in a city I loved with a girl I liked.

I thought fuck it, if it all falls through I’ll be able to come back and hopefully get another job in Melbourne, or at the very worst move back to Shepparton, in country Victoria, (two and a half hours away from Melbourne) and live with my parents until something else comes up. Also too I thought, isn’t Perth a beautiful city with a lovely climate? I could rent myself a place on the beach.

Long story short (or shorter) within a few weeks of moving to Perth, I caught up with some old friends from Shepparton and met my future wife, and have never taken drugs to the extent I once did. (Or have occasionally on that ‘once off night’ that I can justify..) Perth sucked though. It was nothing like Melbourne and my partner’s male friends and I had literally nothing in common. Also too, looking after a rental portfolio in Melbourne is so different to Perth it’s a fucking joke. It wasn’t hard for me to see why per capita, there are more millionaires in Perth than anywhere else. The two Real Estate firms I worked for were, well, not that thorough on RIWA laws, or not that keen on bikies killing them over a deal. When I see films set in Texas, it reminds me of (Perth) Western Australia, the place is just so different to Melbourne or Sydney. Whenever I revisit the place, I feel like I’m heading back to the Wild West.

The three years I spent in Perth I genuinely hated because I missed home, and couldn’t tolerate those backward redneck freaks. In hindsight, the three years spent completely out of my element were what I needed. When we moved back to Melbourne in 2007, my friends and I were all still close, but drugs didn’t rule our lives. I lost a couple of good friends, mainly because their partners were cunt whore control freaks, and I had someone who I loved and respected validating my thoughts.

Sorry if that was a ramble NotHughGrant. Our situations were/are so different. If you can afford the move and it won’t impact your daughter’s life in terms of paying for education etc down the track, go for it. For better or for worse, you’ll have scratched the itch. Also too, you’re a lawyer if I remember correctly? If you can tee up employment (which no doubt you probably could) prior to leaving embrace the adventure.


Cheers for that post, Wisey. Much appreciated.

I'm not a lawyer. I am a law graduate, but haven't worked in law for 5 years. And even then I was only a small-town conveyancer.

Your experiences of pub and club life in your early 20s exactly match my own. Funny thing is with this/my situation, I thought that when I eventually "grew up", I would as a logical consequence "settle down" into a routine as if the two phenomena were joined at the hip.

But this isn't true, I was more accepting of the status quo when I was out in clubs getting wrecked every Friday and Saturday, and now i've had 4 years of finding my feet, I find the urge to do something stronger than ever.

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Last edited by NotHughGrant on Fri Nov 09, 2012 1:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.



Fri Nov 09, 2012 1:19 pm
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Post Re: Solve this problem for me
CasualDad wrote:
I certainly can't tell you what is best for your family. It sounds as though your wife is of the same mind - so that is a very good thing. People often worry about displacing their children, but having grown up in a military family, we moved every few years and it didn't seem to have any detrimental effects on us or our childhood friends that were in the same mode. If you already know you'll regret it if you don't then .... Just try to make sure your wife is really all in for it.


Forgive the bluntness of this question, Cas, but in light of your recent scary experiences, how do you see this subject?

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Fri Nov 09, 2012 1:20 pm
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Post Re: Solve this problem for me
NotHughGrant wrote:

Forgive the bluntness of this question, Cas, but in light of your recent scary experiences, how do you see this subject?


I think you are asking if I now try to live everyday as if it will be my last and make my decisions accordingly - I do not. I appreciate that sentiment in others, but it doesn't fit my personality. I am not a dreamer and planner and am not driven to do great and different things. I find my satisfaction in the everyday things of life. For the most part, the changes I've focused on are to make my lifestyle healthy in an attempt to raise my children to be independant adults before I check out. I have learned this much; change will happen and you can be the agent or the object. Whereas I am content to take life as it comes, others will be much happier striving to make life what it can be.


Fri Nov 09, 2012 2:22 pm
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