40. "Oh, in 200 years we've gone from 'I regret that I have but one life to give for my country' to 'Fuck you?'"



Action movies are typically written off as dumb, mindless fare. And many of them are. But then there are films like Speed, which is a superb action film, and one of the best examples of the genre. All of the pieces are right, from the script (which is smart; it doesn't take the film into ridiculous territory), to the direction and editing (everything is plausible here; this isn't a Michael Bay-style shoot-em-up).

And then there are the players. In most cases, it makes no sense to hire Keanu Reeves when purchasing a door from the Home Depot is cheaper and gets you the same effect. But Reeves is right in this role. This film was made for him. And finally, Dennis Hopper, who delivers this line. He was so good at playing the villain, and he has a field day here. Hopper has a lot of good quotes in this film, and Speed represented one of his finest roles.

Sadly, this scene is not on Youtube. It takes place in the elevator sequence, before the main plot of the film kicks in. Those who have not seen Speed should do so. It's a real gem.

39. "I have to admit, I did a fair bit of masturbating when I was younger. I used to call it stroking the salami. I never did it with baked goods."



One more quote from Jim's Dad. Out of all the characters in the American Pie films, Jim's dad is far and away my favorite, because he's the most genuine. Everything he does is funny, but it's all driven by his love for his son. He's the kind of guy who is awkwardly funny, and doesn't even know that he's the funniest guy in the room. Jim's dad is irreplaceable, and much like I can't imagine anyone other than De Niro playing Jake La Motta, I can't imagine anyone other than Eugene Levy playing Jim's dad.

This scene is great. Jim's dad decides to have the sex talk with his son, and ends up making it about as awkward as it can possibly be. It's golden, but then again, it's Jim's Dad.

Watch here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bFKLef5AKg

The Jim's Dad character is a bit of a victim of its own success. Levy was very funny in his limited screen time. Unfortunately, they kept expanding the role. Often it worked, but by the end I think it was too much of the same thing. He's also in at least one of the straight to DVD American Pie movies which is more than a little weird.

38. "And for the record, having a diaper fetish is a completely normal, healthy and harmless bedroom activity."



I suppose if you haven't figured out by now, Lloyd Kaufman is one of my favorite directors, and with Poultrygeist he throws in everything, including the kitchen sink. The plot? A fast food restaurant is built on top of an Indian burial ground, resurrecting some really pissed-off Indian chicken zombies. Add in a colorful cast of characters, which include a group of left-wing lesbian protesters, a paranoid war vet, a redneck cook who really loves (really, really loves) chickens, and a southerner with a diaper fetish, and you've got a movie that is never once boring. Oh, and did I mention this is a musical?

Watch the full film on Hulu here: http://www.hulu.com/watch/149013/poultrygeist-night-of-the-chicken-dead

37. "That thing had nine lives, she just used 'em all."



Christmas Vacation isn't my favorite Christmas movie, but it always provides me with a few chuckles when a catch a bit of it on the TV every holiday season. I just love the setup; a guy tries to make a nice Christmas for the family and everything goes wrong. Obviously, there's a lot of humor to be found in that.

Which brings me to Cousin Eddie. I always liked the character; every family has someone like him, don't they? He's loud, obnoxious and a general pain in the ass, but he means well. He provides a lot of laughs, and I think Randy Quaid plays him well.

As for this quote: I've used it in my own day to day life...I really like it. It's great for when something breaks or screws up; it's rather versatile.

Watch here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJW3Jpqjx5s

36. "That's nitpicking, isn't it?"



There are so many funny moments in This Is spinal Tap that it's hard to pick just one. Everyone has their favorites: "Lick My Love Pump," the metal detector scene, Stonehenge, "these go to 11," and so on. I've always loved this scene, although for those of you who may be closer to the rock n' roll lifestyle than I am, Spinal Tap may not be very funny anymore. I completely understand.

Watch here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szRTDfSDhME&feature=BFa&list=PLBE20742FD8BB69B3&lf=iv

Spinal Tap is easily one of the most quotable movies of all time so I do like that you've picked a (relatively) less popular one. Me? For some reason I can never forget that Nigel Tufnel would like to be a "haberdasher". That's hilarious. And, of course:

David St. Hubbins: He died in a bizarre gardening accident...
Nigel Tufnel: Authorities said... best leave it... unsolved.

I love that whole album reviews scene. It's completely classic.

"And for your record Shark Sandwich, it was two words...Shit Sandwich."
"Now...they can't print that!"

35. "Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love."



For many, Annie Hall is the ultimate Woody Allen film, the one where he transformed from goofball comedian to Serious Artist, and for many it remains his best film. For me it's not his best film (that would be the transcendent Manhattan), but it's still a damn fine film, with lots of intelligent and comedic insight, and plenty of Allen's great quips, such as the one above. Actually, I think I've referenced this whenever someone's bad-mouthed masturbation.

34. "They took everything, even the stuff we didn't steal."



This is the "be true to your school" post. I'm a student of Dartmouth College, and Animal House has long been a part of Dartmouth's legend. It's actually not something we're too embarrassed about; after all these years we take it in stride and look at it as a humorous part of the school's history.

As for the film...it's very, very funny. Everyone has their own favorite lines; for some reason this one has always stuck with me. I can't quite explain it. But either way, I salute John Landis and his fantastic cast. They did us proud.

33. "Your mother ate my dog!"..."Not all of it."



It had to be either this one or "I kick ass for the Lord!" Regardless, I'll never forget the first time I saw Dead Alive (which is what we call it in the States); it was the silliest, bloodiest, grooviest thing I'd ever seen. I couldn't believe that someone had the audacity to make it. Of course, Peter Jackson would go on to greater critical acclaim, but for me his most essential work remains his early splatter films. I've loved them dearly for over 15 years and never grown tired of them.

Watch here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCo-F7VKzVM

In terms of ambition I think Woody peaked in the 80s. That said, I prefer Annie Hall to anything he's ever done. It's the perfect combination of humour and drama. And yes, that is a great line. I should totally use it sometime but I'm not sure that I have the same Woodbot delivery.

32. "Nice, Egon. Somebody blows their nose and you want to keep it?"



Once again, all credit due to Bill Murray. The only real reason why the two Ghostbusters films are as funny as they are is because of Murray's deadpan delivery. He's always got the perfect line, quip, or comeback, and that's what makes him such a good comedian. I've heard that he improvises most of his dialogue when he's filming, which is pretty cool.

Anyways, even though Ghostbusters has never been at the top of my list of favorite comedies, it's always had a lot of humorous, quotable moments, and this is one of them.

31. "Please be honest with me. Tell me this is the first time this has ever happened." ... "Well, do you want me to be honest or do you want me to tell you it's the first time?"



Simply put, Old School is an OK film. It has potential, but ends up being another dean-against-the-frat story. But this is a great and funny quote, by the underused but usually reliable Juliette Lewis. Gotta love it.

30. "Why should I change? He's the one who sucks."



I've always liked this line a lot, primarily because I have a family member who shares a name with a famous singer (although not one as bad as Michael Bolton), and it's been a source of embarrassment for him. Needless to say, it's led to some Office Space jokes. Personally, I'm glad I don't share the same name as Michael Bolton.

29. "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time...like tears in rain. Time to die."



As dark a film as Blade Runner is, I think it's ultimately a film with a positive message. I think this is a tremendously beautiful scene, as Deckard realizes the error of his ways and sees the humanity in what he had considered non-human. And of course, Rutger Hauer is perfect; he plays Batty with the right amount of coldness and regret. I love Blade Runner; ever time I watch it, it reveals new things to me. I consider it to be one of the great American films.

Watch here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_saUN4j7Gw

Such a great choice.

Agreed. It's the iconic quote from that movie and for good reason. It's a great moment of humanity and asks the film's main question - if something that isn't human can show humanity, how is humanity unique? What does it mean to be human?

It's just such great writing. Great with a capital G, like at the beginning of this sentence.

28. "You gave me wood, now I'm gonna give you some wood."



Two things: First, I've been away in Philadelphia and haven't been near a computer much. Not a big deal; I can live without for a period of time. But that explains why I haven't been around. Second, the fact that I use this to follow up the Blade Runner quote practically proves I'm pulling these out of my ass (mostly) as I'm going along.

In short, I happened to catch Planet Terror on TV while I was away. I heard the line, laughed like hell, remembered how much I liked the movie and the line. So here we are, #28. Oh...and this may be one of the few times Quentin Tarantino's horrible skills as a thespian actually work out to good effect.

27. "I'm gonna take you to the bank, Senator Trent. To the blood bank."



Two things about Steven Seagal: First, has anyone else noticed that his movie titles are primarily designed to feature his name above them. As in "Steven Seagal is Above The Law." Or "Steven Seagal is Marked For Death." Or "Steven Seagal is Out For Justice."

Or this one, "Steven Seagal is Hard To Kill." He also proves that he's a damned good thespian by delivering this line. I mean, I couldn't say this line and keep a straight face. Could you? All the rest that's needed in this scene is David Caruso, a pair of sunglasses and Roger Daltrey screaming in the background.

Watch here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Jji78uEW14