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"The Virgin" 
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Joined: Thu Jan 22, 2009 10:55 pm
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Location: Mount Laurel, NJ, USA
Post "The Virgin"
For discussion of the short story "The Virgin," which is the second of seven planned short stories set in the world of "The Last Whisper of the Gods."


Tue Jul 22, 2014 2:11 pm
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Gaffer
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Joined: Mon Sep 02, 2013 2:21 pm
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Location: Isny, Germany
Post Re: "The Virgin"
Awesome. I think this one is especially well written, Thank you for posting it here! On most occations, I can see the reason for things evolving.
I'd still like to note a couple of things. This all being things, that just seem a little bit strange to me, but may be totally normal in that world (if it had been stated somewhere)

First.. This part is a lot more erotic than I expected it to be, this is pretty clear right from the beginning. That's not something I'd mind, but imho the part with "The Women" was a bit of a stretch. Most of the time they were referenced, there was only information on what they do at night. Like that's the only thing they do at night :D But that may be because in this world, "The Women" are just that way, I would have appreciated a little more details on this house where "The Women" live.

I think the father / daughter relationship was well penned and quite realistic. You gave very good explenations on why they bonded so well.

Then there was this scene in the tavern. Ponari approaches Warburm. I found this passage to be a little inconsistant. First thing I wondered was, how does she know that "he saw himself in the role of a maiden's protector"? Did people know about this "stereotype" back then?
Then she wants to act shy but continues to leave the tavern in a very... grown up manner.

I missed a little details about village life there, food, work, enjoyment..

What I really liked a lot was the overall pace. You speed up things and summarize what happens in between and you slow down when necessary.

Oh, I almost forgot to ask, do you employ special accents (like Warburm's) in the main books as well?

Looking forward to the next part! I'm getting invested in the stories more and more..


Wed Jul 30, 2014 2:15 am
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Joined: Thu Jan 22, 2009 10:55 pm
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Location: Mount Laurel, NJ, USA
Post Re: "The Virgin"
Cinematographer wrote:
Then there was this scene in the tavern. Ponari approaches Warburm. I found this passage to be a little inconsistant. First thing I wondered was, how does she know that "he saw himself in the role of a maiden's protector"? Did people know about this "stereotype" back then?
Then she wants to act shy but continues to leave the tavern in a very... grown up manner.

Oh, I almost forgot to ask, do you employ special accents (like Warburm's) in the main books as well?


Ponari is trying to decide whether a "great hero" like Warburm would be more attracted to a woman who presents herself as a girl who needs saving or a more forward woman. She guesses the former but, because of her lack of experience, she's not really sure what that entails. The inconsistency is intentional because she senses what might work but isn't sure how to implement it.

Warburm's accent is the most pronounced in the books, although I try to match how people talk to their relative levels of education. There are a couple of other characters with accents but they aren't as overt, mainly because it's a pain in the ass to write for characters who speak like that. :)

The books' protagonist, Sorial, is poorly educated, so it took some effort (and rewrites) to get his dialogue where I wanted it. Alicia, on the other hand, is well educated, so her dialogue was easier to write.

Warburm and Ponari will show up again in the sixth short story. Warburm is a fairly important character in the novels.

The upcoming short stories focus more on characters with larger roles in the books. In fact, the next one ("The Knave") provides background on for one of the major characters. Sorial and Alicia don't get short stories, however, because I'm avoiding spoilers. Their stories are told in full in the books. The stories are filling in "gaps" and providing details about aspects of the world that the books don't get around to.


Sun Aug 03, 2014 9:18 am
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