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Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck 
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Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
Ken wrote:
Vexer wrote:
Oh my god yes! I fucking HATE inspirational sports films with a passion! They're always so damn predictable and uninvolving for me(though the latter is probably because i'm not really a sports fan at all, for me watching football,baseball, basketball etc is akin to watching grass grow, most of the sports films where courtesy of my school teachers)
Vexer has taken the words out of my mouth. However, I make exception for the first Mighty Ducks movie. Emilio Estevez ruled my school.

Yeah I kinda liked that film as well since it focused on getting laughs instead of being so goddamn serious like most sports films, and also because Hockey isn't NEARLY as tedious to watch as Football or Baseball IMO.


Fri Jul 09, 2010 12:10 pm
Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
if Vexer likes it.



Also, any movie staring Keanu Reeves when he isn't wearing a long trench coat and sunglasses.

Any movie that tries to "teach" us about race relations by having whites and blacks bond. Which almost always leads to:

ed_metal_head wrote:
If you see the words "Based on a True Story"† you might as well turn the movie off right there.

† unless it's used in a Fargo kind of way.


aameen wrote:
if it revolves around a sport. yeah...the final act is a huge match...la de fuckin da!

maybe thats a personal thing....but ive yet to see a good one.


Remember the Titans was absolute garbage. The Blind Side has to be equally atrocious.


Fri Jul 09, 2010 12:19 pm
Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
Whenever Hollywood aims to teach us about race relations it's almost always exclusively told in such a manner as to make any minorities gentle, guidance-needing creatures. This might be because the stories are told by whites with severe White Guilt Disorder, a minor illness that the carrier believes is necessary even if they aren't really afflicted. These lily-white race pictures are all a little bit racist.


Fri Jul 09, 2010 12:31 pm
Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
majoraphasia wrote:
Whenever Hollywood aims to teach us about race relations it's almost always exclusively told in such a manner as to make any minorities gentle, guidance-needing creatures. This might be because the stories are told by whites with severe White Guilt Disorder, a minor illness that the carrier believes is necessary even if they aren't really afflicted. These lily-white race pictures are all a little bit racist.
See also: exploitation.

See also: Crash.


Fri Jul 09, 2010 1:27 pm
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Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
If critics you never heard of are quoted on movie posters and these quotes have multiple exclamation points (AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!), your movie sucks.


Fri Jul 09, 2010 1:29 pm
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Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
aameen wrote:
Threeperf35 wrote:
5) if one of the following is written on the poster: "from the director of:", "from the makers of:"



exception to the rule?

http://gloaminganddawn.files.wordpress. ... oster.jpeg


There are (almost) always exceptions to the rules. I'd say if any rule in this thread provides a 90 - 95% chance that the movie is going to suck, it should be considered valid.

If a movie poster says "from the director of:" it usually means that the production company has doubts about the flick and either tries o "justify" the choice or link the movie to another one which was a success, but the stale taste of: "That other movie was of course better, this one is inferior, it needs references" remains. The exceptions in this case come from the very old rule (wich nobody in charge ever seems to know or wants to know): success and quality are NOT the same.


Fri Jul 09, 2010 2:37 pm
Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
majoraphasia wrote:
Whenever Hollywood aims to teach us about race relations it's almost always exclusively told in such a manner as to make any minorities gentle, guidance-needing creatures. This might be because the stories are told by whites with severe White Guilt Disorder, a minor illness that the carrier believes is necessary even if they aren't really afflicted. These lily-white race pictures are all a little bit racist.


Please tell me you didn't think about "Gran Torino" for a second. Well I did... But the movie didn't suck. 8-)


Fri Jul 09, 2010 2:44 pm
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Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
Threeperf35 wrote:
majoraphasia wrote:
Whenever Hollywood aims to teach us about race relations it's almost always exclusively told in such a manner as to make any minorities gentle, guidance-needing creatures. This might be because the stories are told by whites with severe White Guilt Disorder, a minor illness that the carrier believes is necessary even if they aren't really afflicted. These lily-white race pictures are all a little bit racist.


Please tell me you didn't think about "Gran Torino" for a second. Well I did... But the movie didn't suck. 8-)


Sure Gran Torino is over-the-top and occasionally ham-handed, but you know what? It works, goddamnit. Solid ***

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Fri Jul 09, 2010 2:45 pm
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Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
Threeperf35 wrote:
6) anything with the number 3 or III at the end of the title.


Toy Story 3!

And, you can't have a rule if there's an exception. I learned something like that in Math. I think. Those days are long gone.


Fri Jul 09, 2010 2:46 pm
Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
ed_metal_head wrote:
Threeperf35 wrote:
6) anything with the number 3 or III at the end of the title.


Toy Story 3!

And, you can't have a rule if there's an exception. I learned something like that in Math. I think. Those days are long gone.


Haven't seen Toy Story 3 yet. Will do ASAP. I was thinking about Ewoks, Spiderman 3, Die Hard 3, Lethal Weapon 3, Superman 3, The third Star Trek movie, Shrek 3, Alien 3,............
I think that Pixar figured out how to bypass that rule, like they basically figure out everything :ugeek:

[edit]: that rule without exception thing: in math it is true, but check almost any language and you will end up with more exceptions than rules......


Fri Jul 09, 2010 2:59 pm
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Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
Alien3 is underrated man, though still nowhere near the first two.

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Fri Jul 09, 2010 3:12 pm
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Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
sure theres exceptions, but any SNL skit that is now a full length movie.

for the most part, a terrible, terrible idea.

DDD


Fri Jul 09, 2010 3:19 pm
Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
JamesKunz wrote:
Alien3 is underrated man, though still nowhere near the first two.


Yes, yes I know, I was just trying to "get away" with this rule. O.K. can we make that a 90%-chance-that-the-movie-will-suck rule?


Fri Jul 09, 2010 3:25 pm
Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
Threeperf35 wrote:
majoraphasia wrote:
Whenever Hollywood aims to teach us about race relations it's almost always exclusively told in such a manner as to make any minorities gentle, guidance-needing creatures. This might be because the stories are told by whites with severe White Guilt Disorder, a minor illness that the carrier believes is necessary even if they aren't really afflicted. These lily-white race pictures are all a little bit racist.


Please tell me you didn't think about "Gran Torino" for a second. Well I did... But the movie didn't suck. 8-)


Gran Torino isn't of the same cloth. The neighbor kids were minorities, yes, but they were hardly gentle, guidance-needing creatures. The girl, to be specific. The boy? Guidance was needed. But Clint isn't a do-gooder in the film: he's an angry, racist throwback to the 1950s. Gran Torino was terrific entertainment that didn't aim to patronize anyone.


Fri Jul 09, 2010 4:12 pm
Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
majoraphasia wrote:
Threeperf35 wrote:
majoraphasia wrote:
Whenever Hollywood aims to teach us about race relations it's almost always exclusively told in such a manner as to make any minorities gentle, guidance-needing creatures. This might be because the stories are told by whites with severe White Guilt Disorder, a minor illness that the carrier believes is necessary even if they aren't really afflicted. These lily-white race pictures are all a little bit racist.


Please tell me you didn't think about "Gran Torino" for a second. Well I did... But the movie didn't suck. 8-)


Gran Torino isn't of the same cloth. The neighbor kids were minorities, yes, but they were hardly gentle, guidance-needing creatures. The girl, to be specific. The boy? Guidance was needed. But Clint isn't a do-gooder in the film: he's an angry, racist throwback to the 1950s. Gran Torino was terrific entertainment that didn't aim to patronize anyone.


Agreed 100%. I just "mentally re-checked" the movie for that one second and came to the exact same conclusion. I would go as far as saying that Clint - in some of his late career roles - slips into the shoes of 50s über-machos like John Wayne and Chuck Heston ("I don't train girls!" "Get off my property!") and somehow simply shows the bigger picture, letting the audience do the thinking, instead of shoving a message down our throats like "Crash" did.


Fri Jul 09, 2010 4:42 pm
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Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
People hate Crash far too much. Plenty of movies have messages, and plenty more deliver them poorly, but the filmmaking on display in Crash is often very impressive.

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Fri Jul 09, 2010 5:09 pm
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Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
JamesKunz wrote:
People hate Crash far too much. Plenty of movies have messages, and plenty more deliver them poorly, but the filmmaking on display in Crash is often very impressive.

I tihnk people hate Crash so much because they're shocked that such an underserving film won Best Picture, i'd say it's probably the WORST film to ever win Best Picture.


Fri Jul 09, 2010 5:23 pm
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Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
Vexer wrote:
JamesKunz wrote:
People hate Crash far too much. Plenty of movies have messages, and plenty more deliver them poorly, but the filmmaking on display in Crash is often very impressive.

I tihnk people hate Crash so much because they're shocked that such an underserving film won Best Picture, i'd say it's probably the WORST film to ever win Best Picture.


Something tells me you haven't seen Around the World in 80 Days, Driving Miss Daisy, or The Greatest Show on Earth.

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Fri Jul 09, 2010 6:02 pm
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Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
JamesKunz wrote:
People hate Crash far too much. Plenty of movies have messages, and plenty more deliver them poorly, but the filmmaking on display in Crash is often very impressive.


I totally understand your point. Basically Crash is another "various stories in L.A. - (like Short Cuts, or Grand Canyon before, and about dozens of others) which are connected to each other", this time with an anti-racist/prejudice twist. BUT: there are a few scenes which just don't work for me.

One for example:
[Reveal] Spoiler:
Near the end Matt Dillon, who already saved a woman from burning in a car accident, sits beside his dad who is in pain, showing that he cares, because the old man is dying of prostate cancer. That's all great but earlier in the movie, as a cop, he and his partner made a black couple stop and he was playing with the woman (the same woman he later freed from a car about to burn - what a coincidence!) as if he is about to rape her - I am sorry, but nothing can redeem or even try to justify such behavior


Some scenes even make me feel uncomfortable because they are forced and unnatural. The photography - which is great - might be the only saving grace.


Fri Jul 09, 2010 6:11 pm
Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
JamesKunz wrote:
Vexer wrote:
JamesKunz wrote:
People hate Crash far too much. Plenty of movies have messages, and plenty more deliver them poorly, but the filmmaking on display in Crash is often very impressive.

I tihnk people hate Crash so much because they're shocked that such an underserving film won Best Picture, i'd say it's probably the WORST film to ever win Best Picture.


Something tells me you haven't seen Around the World in 80 Days, Driving Miss Daisy, or The Greatest Show on Earth.

You're right I haven't seen those, I meant to say that it's the worst Best Picture winner that i've seen so far.


Fri Jul 09, 2010 7:01 pm
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