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Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck 
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Post Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
Because sometimes you know that peril awaits you.

Robin Williams in a dramatic role, for example. (Patch Adams)

If the previews have an old woman saying something sassy or hip? Careful! (The Runaway Bride)

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson + children's movie.


Thu Jul 08, 2010 5:53 pm
Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
With the exception of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, if a movie is set in or connected to Arthurian England, it’s a sign it’s going to suck.

While this isn’t a strict rule, if the film is a remake, it’s a fairly good sign it’s going to suck.

And because I’m not averse to stating the obvious:

If the film is directed by M. Night Shyamalan, etc, etc.

Also, I thought Robin Williams was great in Insomnia and One Hour Photo. Perhaps those aren't strictly dramatic roles in the sense that they are thrillers and not dramas, but my point is that Williams is capable of acting seriously given the right situation.


Thu Jul 08, 2010 6:10 pm
Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
Lots of expository dialogue in the first 10 minutes.

From Mission To Mars:

Quote:
It'll take us six months just to get to Mars. Another year on the surface, then six months back. That's two years. I guess what I'm trying to say is, since this is my last night on Earth, it's gonna be a very precious memory to me.


Thu Jul 08, 2010 6:16 pm
Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
IF it's directed by Renny Harlin. I want him to prove me wrong but he hasn't yet....he came close with Ford Fairlane though.


Thu Jul 08, 2010 6:55 pm
Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
Patrick wrote:
IF it's directed by Renny Harlin. I want him to prove me wrong but he hasn't yet....he came close with Ford Fairlane though.

Personally I love most of harlin's films, IMO the only films of his that sucked were The Covenant and Cutthroat Island, for me a sign that a film is going to suck is if it's directed by M. Night Shyamalan A.K.A. the single most talentless-hack-of-a-director in existence! :evil:


Thu Jul 08, 2010 7:25 pm
Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
Patrick wrote:
IF it's directed by Renny Harlin. I want him to prove me wrong but he hasn't yet....he came close with Ford Fairlane though.


Fox Movie Channel shows that movie on a 24-hour loop a few times every week and I caught the few moments wherein Andrew Dice "I'm A Nice Jewish Boy That Pretends He's A Hideously Stereotypical Italian" Clay finds a dead koala bear. I then turned it off and went back to my life.


Thu Jul 08, 2010 10:24 pm
Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
If Rob Schneider is in it, it will suck.


Thu Jul 08, 2010 10:56 pm
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Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
Robin Williams in a heartwarming role. Although I loved Moscow on the Hudson, so it must be something that's happened over the years.

Comparisons with "Terms of Endearment."

Talking dogs in a non-animated film. Exception: "Babe."

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Thu Jul 08, 2010 11:54 pm
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Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
If you see the words "Based on a True Story"† you might as well turn the movie off right there.

† unless it's used in a Fargo kind of way.


Fri Jul 09, 2010 12:36 am
Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
if it revolves around a sport. yeah...the final act is a huge match...la de fuckin da!

maybe thats a personal thing....but ive yet to see a good one.


Fri Jul 09, 2010 12:40 am
Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
aameen wrote:
if it revolves around a sport. yeah...the final act is a huge match...la de fuckin da!

maybe thats a personal thing....but ive yet to see a good one.

Oh my god yes! I fucking HATE inspirational sports films with a passion! They're always so damn predictable and uninvolving for me(though the latter is probably because i'm not really a sports fan at all, for me watching football,baseball, basketball etc is akin to watching grass grow, most of the sports films where courtesy of my school teachers)


Fri Jul 09, 2010 1:00 am
Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
We might as well throw this old tune into the jukebox (copyright of stupid phrase pending):

If the lead character has the initials J.C. and is damaged in some profoundly moving way you better prepare yourself for his inevitable death. (The Green Mile)

Which leads into:

If the movie is about a mentally challenged individual teaching important lessons to so-called 'typical' people you should immediately seek shelter. There are no exceptions. (House of D)


Fri Jul 09, 2010 1:03 am
Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
If Pauly Shore or Rob Schneider is your headlining star...


Fri Jul 09, 2010 1:06 am
Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
oafolay wrote:
If Pauly Shore or Rob Schneider is your headlining star...

Or Adam Sandler IMO, though i'll admit he has been getting better in recent years(though Grown Ups looks rather weak, but there's no way it sucks as badly as The Waterboy!)


Fri Jul 09, 2010 1:36 am
Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
I still say Punch-Drunk Love is one of the best films of the decade. I felt Funny People was better than a lot of people gave it credit for however I definitely understand people saying it was overlong and bloated. On topic and related to Sandler I will say:

A Happy Madison Production


Fri Jul 09, 2010 1:47 am
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Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
Any movie trailer that shows a Roger Ebert-termed "Meet Cute".

Quote:
Robin Williams in a dramatic role, for example. (Patch Adams)
BullCrap. As mentioned before, he was fine in One Hour Photo, Insomnia, and I'll add The Final Cut. Now if we're talking about Robin Williams in a comedy, seeing him doing anything out of the norm of an aging white guy (rapping, dancing, etc) that will suck. I'm looking at you RV.


I didn't know the history of the team, but Friday Night Lights surprised me when the team and players we focused on for the entire movie lost "The Big Game" towards the end of the film.


Fri Jul 09, 2010 7:29 am
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Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
1) If the movie poster has a plain white background and a known male and a known female star are shown posing in some stupid way: it's going to suck, no matter if it's a chick flick or a light comedy. Stay away!

2) If the title contains the word "Movie" (as in "Scary Movie", "Epic Movie", "Date Movie").

3) If one of the following actors are in the movie: Sarah Jessica Parker, Hugh Grant, Jennifer Aniston, Eddie Murphy

4) If the movie is produced by Jerry Bruckheimer

5) if one of the following is written on the poster: "from the director of:", "from the makers of:"

6) anything with the number 3 or III at the end of the title.

7) anything from the Walt Disney Company which is not Animated, roughly post 1990.

and yes Ken beat me to it: a lot of (bad) expository dialog within the first 10 minutes.


Fri Jul 09, 2010 9:29 am
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Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
Great topic.

I agree to what most people have said, and I'll throw out:

When CGI has been used to anthropomorphize animals. Firehouse Dog, Marmaduke, Cats and Dogs, etc. Pure suck. I was sitting next to my wife a year back when the trailer for Beverly Hills Chiahuahua came on screen. I turned to her and said "They've made my nightmare!"

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Fri Jul 09, 2010 9:56 am
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Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
Threeperf35 wrote:
5) if one of the following is written on the poster: "from the director of:", "from the makers of:"



exception to the rule?

http://gloaminganddawn.files.wordpress. ... oster.jpeg


Fri Jul 09, 2010 11:48 am
Post Re: Signs That The Movie Is Going To Suck
Vexer wrote:
Oh my god yes! I fucking HATE inspirational sports films with a passion! They're always so damn predictable and uninvolving for me(though the latter is probably because i'm not really a sports fan at all, for me watching football,baseball, basketball etc is akin to watching grass grow, most of the sports films where courtesy of my school teachers)
Vexer has taken the words out of my mouth. However, I make exception for the first Mighty Ducks movie. Emilio Estevez ruled my school.


Fri Jul 09, 2010 12:01 pm
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