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The Worst Children's Movies The World Has Ever Known 
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Post The Worst Children's Movies The World Has Ever Known
A bad children's film is a special beast much like the mythical unicorn. Unlike the unicorn, your chances of seeing one in this lifetime are guaranteed. And so, without further delay, those movies which should be stricken from the record.

The Wizard -- In which Fred Savage participates in a 90-minute commercial for Super Mario Brothers 3.

Mac and Me - If it looks like like E.T. from one angle and a commercial for McDonald's from every other... no, no good.

What say you?


Fri Jun 12, 2009 12:35 am
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Post Re: The Worst Children's Movies The World Has Ever Known
I thought The Wizard was a 90 minute commercial for the Nintendo Power Glove. It's about all I remember from the ads for that movie.


Fri Jun 12, 2009 9:26 am
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Post Re: The Worst Children's Movies The World Has Ever Known
ROFL! I remember liking both of those movies when I was little...Only having seen them each once...what about that weird Monsters Under the Bed(no idea of the title) movie also with Fred Savage if memory serves me...


Fri Jun 12, 2009 9:54 am
Post Re: The Worst Children's Movies The World Has Ever Known
DylnFan96818 wrote:
I thought The Wizard was a 90 minute commercial for the Nintendo Power Glove. It's about all I remember from the ads for that movie.


Nobody insults The Power Glove while I'm around, except the Angry Video Game Nerd but that's cause he's awesome. It's so bad.


Fri Jun 12, 2009 10:02 am
Post Re: The Worst Children's Movies The World Has Ever Known
Patrick wrote:
DylnFan96818 wrote:
I thought The Wizard was a 90 minute commercial for the Nintendo Power Glove. It's about all I remember from the ads for that movie.


Nobody insults The Power Glove while I'm around, except the Angry Video Game Nerd but that's cause he's awesome. It's so bad.

agreed. such a big lol moment when he landed that plane using it. :lol: :lol: :lol:


Fri Jun 12, 2009 10:54 am
Post Re: The Worst Children's Movies The World Has Ever Known
Loved "The Goonies" when i was a kid.

But it hasnt aged well at all.


Fri Jun 12, 2009 12:31 pm
Post Re: The Worst Children's Movies The World Has Ever Known
Thankfully I've managed to suppress all childhood memories of bad movies. Unfortunately I've still come across a few dreadful ones in adulthood.

Baby Geniuses (1999) - synopsis: babies are actually geniuses and can communicate with each other. Evil scientists try to figure out what they're saying so that they can obtain the answers to the universe.

The Master of Disguise (2002) - I always thought that Dana Carvey could be amusing, given the right role. I decided to watch this when it came to cable because I liked the scene in the trailer where he dresses up as a turtle. It ended up being one of the worst movies I've ever seen.

Chicken Little (2005) - worst computer animated film I've seen. Disney, you've come a long way.

Shark Tale (2004) - this used to be the worst computer animated film I've seen. It costars Martin Scorsese.


Fri Jun 12, 2009 12:51 pm
Post Re: The Worst Children's Movies The World Has Ever Known
Little Monsters! Haha that's what the movie was called I was thinking of...terrible terrible movie. Howie Mandel was in it too with Fred Savage if I remember correctly. Might have even come out before The Wizard?


Fri Jun 12, 2009 1:56 pm
Post Re: The Worst Children's Movies The World Has Ever Known
daddy day camp.


Fri Jun 12, 2009 7:23 pm
Post Re: The Worst Children's Movies The World Has Ever Known
All those "3 Ninjas" movies are awful. Especially the one co-starring Hulk Hogan.


Fri Jun 12, 2009 9:17 pm
Post Re: The Worst Children's Movies The World Has Ever Known
neco82 wrote:
All those "3 Ninjas" movies are awful. Especially the one co-starring Hulk Hogan.


It's those Hulk Hogan movies that inspired this thread. I was reading a blurb on an upcoming biopic on Andre the Giant and that devolved, as internet searches tend, to looking up the recent work of Hogan, "Still Rowdy After All These Years" Roddy Piper, and some others. Hogan has made a string of movies that people join IMDB and/or Amazon just to run through the wood chipper. There's such a long string of movies made by adults intended for their Bizarro World idea of children that I began wondering if anyone responsible for Son of the Mask or Santa With Muscles (a title which could double as a porn film title) had ever actually met anyone younger than 16.


Sat Jun 13, 2009 2:06 am
Post Re: The Worst Children's Movies The World Has Ever Known
moulton4 wrote:
daddy day camp.

agreed.


Sat Jun 13, 2009 2:50 am
Post Re: The Worst Children's Movies The World Has Ever Known
neco82 wrote:
All those "3 Ninjas" movies are awful. Especially the one co-starring Hulk Hogan.


Oh my, I just had a flashback of watching Suburban Commando in a run down theatre. I remember that it co-stars The Undertaker.


Sat Jun 13, 2009 7:17 pm
Post Re: The Worst Children's Movies The World Has Ever Known
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.

And I heartily agree with Mac and Me. What an awful, awful movie. A blatant E.T. ripoff filled with painful product placements and even worse acting.


Sat Jun 13, 2009 8:11 pm
Post Re: The Worst Children's Movies The World Has Ever Known
HomerJ wrote:
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.


With a title as truly spectacular as that, one knows that the likelihood of seeing it without the input of Joel and a couple of robots may prove impossible. I really really like my bad family films to be as condescending toward the target audience as possible.

And so: Jack Frost. Michael Keaton? Dead father? Possessed snowman? Two words: can't lose.


Sat Jun 13, 2009 11:25 pm
Post Re: The Worst Children's Movies The World Has Ever Known
If you have kids, you suffer through many hours of terrible entertainment. I must say though that my daughter, soon to be 8 hasn't tortured me as much as some of my friend's kids have. That being said, the absolute worst thing that was once part of her rotation of movies was the original Care Bears Movie from the 80s. Man what a piece of crap. And just a painful soundtrack with 80s synthesizer music throughout. I shudder just thinking of it.


Sun Jun 14, 2009 9:57 am
Post Re: The Worst Children's Movies The World Has Ever Known
I don't have an adhersion to kids movies, hell i'll admit to enjoying some, especially those Disney Channel orignal movies, but my pick for worst one would be Master Of Disguise, my 6th grade class(or was it 7th? I forget) watched that one, fortunatley we didn't get to see the entire film, which is something I am eternally grateful for, I barely laughed once at that horrible waste of celluloid, and like most kids I wasn't really picky about movies, but I hated that one, and when a member of the supposed target audience ends up hating a family film, then you know it's raw sewage! :evil:


Sun Jun 14, 2009 10:56 pm
Post Re: The Worst Children's Movies The World Has Ever Known
Vexer wrote:
I don't have an adhersion to kids movies, hell i'll admit to enjoying some, especially those Disney Channel orignal movies, but my pick for worst one would be Master Of Disguise, my 6th grade class(or was it 7th? I forget) watched that one, fortunatley we didn't get to see the entire film, which is something I am eternally grateful for, I barely laughed once at that horrible waste of celluloid, and like most kids I wasn't really picky about movies, but I hated that one, and when a member of the supposed target audience ends up hating a family film, then you know it's raw sewage! :evil:


I'm sorry... I'm having trouble getting past the idea that Master of Disguise was used in a classroom. What kind of lesson plan allows for this?


Mon Jun 15, 2009 12:07 am
Post Re: The Worst Children's Movies The World Has Ever Known
Well I was at one of those alternative middle schools for challenged kids on account of my mental condition. They're schedules are much less rigid then those in a regular middle school, and we got to watch movies and do other things kids at regular middle schools wouldn't noramlly get to do, though this was one occasion which I was actually wishing we were doing a class assignment instead!


Mon Jun 15, 2009 1:24 am
Post Re: The Worst Children's Movies The World Has Ever Known
I don't know why I even bothered to watch it, but Alvin and the Chipmunks was a douche of lime juice in the eyes.


Mon Jun 15, 2009 11:53 am
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