Now there is a very funny mental image; you running full pelt, screaming at the top of your lungs, being asked to calm down by cinema staff

Actually yes I tried a little, on your own recommendation (to see how bad it is I mean). However this was a few pages of the begining, I'm not sure that's a fair enough sample to claim that I dislike it... yet.

Still, at least once I've read/seen the offending material, I will be a step ahead of those who criticise without having done the same.

No Dragonbeard, I read and reviewed all the Twilight books so you didn't have to....SO YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO!

Twilight
New Moon
Eclipse
Breaking Dawn

And for good measure, the side story:
The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner

I have a possibility to see it next week (My friend can give me free ticket) but i think i will pass it. Only chance i will see this one is if my sister will watch it on DVD when i will be in same room, with nothing to do...

This made me smirk. How can sex with Edward be hot, if he has such cold skin?

Lots and lots of friction?


So he could throw all the crap parts into the first one and make a decent spaghetti western out of the second? Seriously, I have no idea how he planned to get all those tonal shifts into one movie.

It's odd for a film to be an improvement on a book. It's even more odd for a film to improve on a book and still be considered shit.

I would never read Twilight...ever, because I only have time to read about 6 novels a year that won't be one of them.

But I have seen the first film and 3 things stood out -

1. The film is boring from 1st minute to last. Simple.

2. The dialogue is wooden. No-one speaks like that.

3. The acting is of a standard you'd be quietly dissapointed with at a nativity play

I think you came closest to explaining it in your review of Twilight: Eclipse. These are Harlequin-style sexual fantasy stories. The only thing I would add is that these aren't sexual desires that lurk in "every subconscious," it's rather focused on the female subconscious. The extent to which men respond is largely incidental. (And by my observation they don't, generally)

I would say figuring out why Twilight is so loved means figuring out the subconscious sexual desires of your average teenage girl (or adult woman, for that matter).

It doesn't really matter one bit whether there were artistic reasons behind the move or not. All that really matters is the quality of the final product. In the case of Kill Bill, both movies are of superior quality.

Volume 1 is primarily the story of Bea's recovery and vengeance against O-Ren. The structure is that of many movies, even blatantly organized by chapter:

1. Opening high-energy battle to get audience engaged.
Kill Bill 1: Vernita Green
Star Wars: Storm Troopers capture Leia's ship
Team America: Team America bombs Paris
Kill Bill 2: (Skipped)

2. Introduction of protagonist and main conflict(s)
KB1: The Blood-spattered bride
SW: Luke on Tattooine
TA: LEASE to Cairo mission
KB2: Massacre at Twin Pines (extended development of various characters)

3. Development of primary villian(s)
KB1: The origin of O-Ren
SW: Destruction of Alderaan (and the build-up to it)
TA: Ronery (And a few other scenes interspersed within Act 2)
KB2: Massacre at Twin Pines and Lonely Grave of Paula Shulz

4. Preparation, journey, overcome intermediate obstacles
KB1: The Man from Okinawa
SW: Escape from Death Star, delivering Death Star plans to Alliance
TA: Montage, What Would You Do? etc.
KB2: Cruel Tutelage of Pai Mae, Elle and I

5. Final showdown / Act 3
KB1: House of the Falling Leaves
SW: Death Star Battle
TA: Kim Jong Il's palace
KB2: Face to Face

The point being: it's possible to evaluate Kill Bill vol.1 on its merits alone. Its structure has not been compromised by bifurcation.

Contrast with Harry Potter 7... the first movie nails step 1, then meanders through steps 2-4, never making it to any semblance of a step 5.

They come face to face with Bellatrix Lestrange and then escape...



Do you ever expect anything else in most movies?

I would classify that squarely in category 4-- an intermediate obstacle. The primary conflicts are between the three protagonists, the locket, and each other, sort of like a mini-LOTR. They do resolve satisfactorily, but not with the same pacing, flair and attention to detail as the other examples I mentioned.

Average person: "Twilight is baaad!"

Me: "Why?"

Average person: "It's badly written, it's too sappy, the vampires sparkle, Cedric Diggory."

Me: "So is half the fiction section in most bookshops. What makes Twilight that extra bit worse?"

Everyone: "..."

Apparently, it is THAT badly written that people failed to pick up on the obvious sexism, Mormonist preaching etc. These aren't normal things to find in teen fiction, right?

Twilight is worse because it sends a horrible message to women and to quote Dustin Putman "it sets women's rights back 50 years"

Right, I know that now but it's taken nearly three years of hearing people bash it for someone to actually bring it up, which is mad since it's a pretty huge point!

So saw this movie over the weekend. It's the first Twilight movie I've had the plesure of sitting through and I have to say that it's not nearly as bad as I was expecting. It's not the worst acted, written, directed film I've ever seen and so far it has my second favourite cinematic Werewolves after 'Blood&Chocolate'.
This isn't to say that the shit was not there in utter mounds. Bella Swan could win gold if being a total twat was a sport. She's a bad role model for her creator's target audience through and through. Edward really is a total creep who's 100 year life has taught him nothing about women. The moments where he does show an ounce of humanity are rare enough to seem out of place, regardless of his intentions.
I much prefered Jacob of the two male leads. Despite the obvious immaturity, his intentions seem to be noble if not well advised. The guy is still a tool, just not nearly as much as Edward.

I could complain some more about certain moments that were just laugh out loud silly but I'd be here a while. Likewise how many times I was genuinely shocked by the actions of certain people (Bella, mostly). It's hard to fathom how the massive fanbase of this saga is so blind to how cold a person she is.

Something unrelated to the movie that irked me was the cinema itself (Cineworld). We bought tickets from an automated machine which offered us 3D glasses at the reasonable sum of 80p each ($1.25). This seemed like a decent surcharge so we decided to go for it as my gf hadn't seen a movie in 3D. Imagine our annoyance when we realised the movie wasn't showing in 3D at all... fail.

Wha? I haven't read the books myself, but I've seen at least a dozen articles and podcasts that have talked about those things exhaustively. Hell, everyone I know that's read the books or seen the movies has talked about those things. Who have you been talking to?

The wrong people, clearly!

To be fair, most people I know well who have seen/read it have criticised it from a creative standpoint (the literature students say it's badly written etc). On the other hand, the people who would recognise it for being sexist trash have mostly not seen it.