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Terribly written movie lines 
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Post Terribly written movie lines
I don't mean cheesy lines in bad movies. I mean lines that are just badly, badly written. Or that you just hate. We've probably had this thread at some point in the last 5 years, but whatevs

Here are three of mine.

The Shawshank Redemption:
Andy crawled to freedom through five hundred yards of shit smelling foulness I can't even imagine, or maybe I just don't want to. Five hundred yards... that's the length of five football fields, just shy of half a mile.

The reason I hate this line might be pedantic, but...500 yards is really, really not "just shy of half a mile." That's not even a third of mile! I mean, even Morgan Freeman couldn't have pulled off "That's 28% of a mile" but lying is NOT THE ANSWER. Ugh now I'm angry again.

Die Hard 2
That punk pulled a Glock 7 on me. You know what that is? It's a porcelain gun made in Germany. Dosen't show up on your airport X-ray machines, here, and it cost more than you make in a month.

So...many...wrong...things! And said with such smug superiority. There is no gun called a Glock 7. The gun is in fact a Glock 17. Glocks are made in Austria, not Germany. They're made of polymer, not porcelain. They certainly can't pass through an X-ray machine, and they're not particularly expensive.

The Rock
Your "best?" Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.

This might not have been a terrible line in another movie, but it's such a quintessentially American line that it has always sounded utterly wrong for the British spy character to say. Plus it was one of those things that people I didn't like said all the time or put in their facebook profiles. So it rubs me the wrong way.

What do you guys have?

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Mon May 05, 2014 9:23 am
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Post Re: Terribly written movie lines
The Die hard 2 line didn't really stick out to me as "bad" because at the time I saw the film, I knew almost nothing about guns.

The Rock line wasn't necessarily bad, but coming from a British character just made it sound very bizarre to say the least, I would've given it to one of the other characters to say.

Not a Shawshank Redemption fan, though for me that had little to do with the dialogue and more to do with the story not being very interesting, but that's for another thread.


One line that immediately sticks out as terrible for me, not because of dialogue, but because of how incredibly asinine it sounded was this one from Urban Legend:

"But it was your car!"

Let me explain why it sounds so stupid:
That's the killers excuse for wanting to kill the female lead, because her car was used in the murder of one of her(the killer's) best friends or something like that(it was another girl that was driving the car, the lead was not in any way involved). That has to be the single WORST motive of any killer i've ever seen in a film, blaming the lead for something she had nothing to do with and only wanting to kill her cause it was her car that was involved, jeez just typing it out makes it sound so incredibly stupid. It's like blaming someone whose kitchen knife is used for a murder weapon, imagine the cops declaring you a suspect saying "But it was your knife!", dosen't make much sense now does it?


Mon May 05, 2014 1:32 pm
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Post Re: Terribly written movie lines
I have a funny feeling where this thread is eventually headed, but I'll avoid that territory until it shows up. ;)

Pearl Harbor
I'm not anxious to die, sir. Just anxious to matter.

Yikes. Talk about awkwardly written tripe that no one in their right mind would ever utter under any circumstances. A lot of PEARL HARBOR's dialogue is like that.

X-Men
You know what happens when a toad gets struck by lightning? The same thing that happens to everything else.

Was this supposed to be clever? A nice little final punch of a one-liner before finishing off the bad guy? If so, it sputters big-time. Halle Berry's delivery of it is pretty bland, but I don't think anyone, no matter how talented, could've pulled this one off.

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Mon May 05, 2014 3:22 pm
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Post Re: Terribly written movie lines
Yeah that Toad line was just weird, I was like "WTF does that mean"?

Pearl Harbor is my least favorite Michael Bay for many reasons, the dialogue being one of them.

For me almost every line of dialogue in Titanic was cringeworthy, especially the "King of the world" bit, I was just groaning at how incredibly stupid it sounded.


Mon May 05, 2014 3:29 pm
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Post Re: Terribly written movie lines
Regarding The Rock: a friend I had in middle school had a TV censor-thing that edited the movies. The way they handled dialogue was to read the captions and when an objectionable word popped up, silence the film and put the replacement word in captions. For reasons inexplicable/some savvy saboteur, they changed all instances of "fuck" to "finger." So this line from The Rock always killed us the most.


Mon May 05, 2014 3:40 pm
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Post Re: Terribly written movie lines
"I wanna shoot you so bad my dick's hard"-New Jack City.

Yeah that movie has a few howlers in the dialogue department. But that one stands out.

"Because I swear to you, Kate. I swear to you on Mattie's grave. Yeah, that's right. Your mother's grave, I'd kill myself before I lied about that."-Absolute Power.

Memo to Eastwood and William Goldman. Kate would know who her mother is unless she'd had amnesia and that's clearly not the case. Obvious piece of exposition here.

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Mon May 05, 2014 5:31 pm
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Post Re: Terribly written movie lines
"It's a free country. Or at least it will be." - From The Patriot.

"It certainly is a big round room." - From X-Men

"I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough. Not like you. You're soft and smooth." From Star Wars Episode II


Oh. And pretty much EVERY LINE uttered by Arnold Swartzenegger in Batman and Robin.

Here is but a sampling:

"Ice to see you!"

"Everybody chill!"

"You're not sending ME to the COOLER!"

"Adam and Evil!"

"I'm afraid my condition has left me cold to your pleas of mercy."

"Let's kick some ice!"

"Allow me to break the ice. My name is Freeze. Learn it well. For it's the chilling sound of your doom."

"In this universe, there's only one absolute... everything freezes!"

"Cool party!"


Mon May 05, 2014 9:17 pm
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Post Re: Terribly written movie lines
Taleswapper wrote:
"It's a free country. Or at least it will be." - From The Patriot.



Oh man I forgot about that one! Ahhhhh The Patriot, aka Anachronism: The Movie

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Mon May 05, 2014 9:31 pm
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Post Re: Terribly written movie lines
Taleswapper wrote:
"I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough. Not like you. You're soft and smooth." From Star Wars Episode II

Surely the thread winner so far.


Mon May 05, 2014 9:33 pm
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Post Re: Terribly written movie lines
Taleswapper wrote:
"I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough. Not like you. You're soft and smooth." From Star Wars Episode II


Gives me goosebumps.

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Mon May 05, 2014 9:41 pm
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Post Re: Terribly written movie lines
nitrium wrote:
Taleswapper wrote:
"I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough. Not like you. You're soft and smooth." From Star Wars Episode II

Surely the thread winner so far.

It's actually 'Not like here (i.e. where they are). Everything's soft... and smooth (as he begins to rub Padmé's arm).' If George was trying to write the most poorly thought out pickup line of all time, I think he succeeded. :ugeek: Still, even if it someone else had written it (and used a presumably better one), I don't think Anakin's social awkwardness is ever in question there.


Mon May 05, 2014 9:59 pm
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Post Re: Terribly written movie lines
Basically anything from any Star Wars movie.

And just about anything from any Christopher Nolan movie.

Mind you, most of these are movies I like.

Also, most of Lawrence Tierney's lines in his flashback scene with Harvey Keitel in Reservoir Dogs. Tarantino is normally a wiz at dialogue, but here, Tierney's got nothing to do except give Keitel a reason to respond.

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Mon May 05, 2014 10:40 pm
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Post Re: Terribly written movie lines
H.I. McDonough wrote:
nitrium wrote:
Taleswapper wrote:
"I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough. Not like you. You're soft and smooth." From Star Wars Episode II

Surely the thread winner so far.

It's actually 'Not like here (i.e. where they are). Everything's soft... and smooth (as he begins to rub Padmé's arm).' If George was trying to write the most poorly thought out pickup line of all time, I think he succeeded. :ugeek: Still, even if it someone else had written it (and used a presumably better one), I don't think Anakin's social awkwardness is ever in question there.


I stand corrected, sir! But sooooooo true. :shock:

Quote:
Basically anything from any Star Wars movie.


Yep.


Mon May 05, 2014 10:43 pm
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Post Re: Terribly written movie lines
I might have imagined this, but didn't Geena Davis say

Quote:
suck my cock


in the Long Kiss Goodnight.

Terrible!!



Guy Ritchie films are a rich source of terrible dialogue. Try this from Lock Stock and 2 Smoking Barrels

Quote:
what do they say about assumption being the Brother of all cock ups?".

Don't you mean 'Mother?'

Brother, Mother, any other sucker!


Words actually fail me.




Ken mentioned Chris Nolan above, and yes, there is some crap dialogue in Batman. Significantly ...

Quote:
You either die a hero or live long enough to become the villain


An impressive piece of ahistorical homespun philosophy from the pretty poorly written Harvey Dent character.
Mercifully killed off.



The worst I've ever, ever heard, I didn't even hear myself. My mate told me and was actually angry himself when describing it. It's another cockney wanker effort, this this time Nick Love's remake of The Firm -

Quote:
I should put a tampon (sanitary towel) in you.

Why?

Because you're a c*nt.


Awful. I want this piece of writing to be condemned to the 7th circle of hell!

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Tue May 06, 2014 5:35 am
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Post Re: Terribly written movie lines
NotHughGrant wrote:
I might have imagined this, but didn't Geena Davis say

Quote:
suck my cock


in the Long Kiss Goodnight.

Terrible!!


I thought that was Demi Moore in GI Jane who said that one.


Tue May 06, 2014 6:25 am
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Post Re: Terribly written movie lines
I don't know about G.I. Jane, I only saw an edited for television version of that movie. But in The Long Kiss Goodnight there is definitely a scene where Gena Davis says, "suck my dick, all you bastards!" It always made me laugh that she said that since, unless she's a hermaphrodite, she doesn't have a dick. :lol:


I like that Dark Knight quote btw. Plus, it's actually an extremely important theme/line for the movie.

And I haven't seen Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, but that quote, even separately without any context from the movie, made me laugh.


Tue May 06, 2014 7:15 am
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Post Re: Terribly written movie lines
ilovemovies wrote:
I don't know about G.I. Jane, I only saw an edited for television version of that movie. But in The Long Kiss Goodnight there is definitely a scene where Gena Davis says, "suck my dick, all you bastards!" It always made me laugh that she said that since, unless she's a hermaphrodite, she doesn't have a dick. :lol:
.


My female students have been known to tell each other to "suck my dick" when they get really annoyed, for what it's worth. There's really no other adequate expression that captures the feeling, so I don't blame them

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Tue May 06, 2014 7:24 am
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Post Re: Terribly written movie lines
ilovemovies wrote:
I don't know about G.I. Jane, I only saw an edited for television version of that movie. But in The Long Kiss Goodnight there is definitely a scene where Gena Davis says, "suck my dick, all you bastards!" It always made me laugh that she said that since, unless she's a hermaphrodite, she doesn't have a dick. :lol:


Yeah, she's driving a truck at the time isn't she??

Fucking terrible!


Quote:
I like that Dark Knight quote btw. Plus, it's actually an extremely important theme/line for the movie.


It is important. But also sums up the narrow philosophy the film incorporates into the world of Gotham. It's important in conveying the movie's flaws. Many a person has seen themselves become the hero, given enough time. The notion that if you live long enough, you'll become a villain, plays on the perceived dumb negativity of the crowds. It's a facile, garbage statement. Whether it fits the film's narrative or not.

Quote:
And I haven't seen Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, but that quote, even separately without any context from the movie, made me laugh.


It's actually a good film. But is also hamstrung by Ritchie's cringeworthy attempts at banter-humour.

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Tue May 06, 2014 7:55 am
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Post Re: Terribly written movie lines
JamesKunz wrote:
ilovemovies wrote:
I don't know about G.I. Jane, I only saw an edited for television version of that movie. But in The Long Kiss Goodnight there is definitely a scene where Gena Davis says, "suck my dick, all you bastards!" It always made me laugh that she said that since, unless she's a hermaphrodite, she doesn't have a dick. :lol:
.


My female students have been known to tell each other to "suck my dick" when they get really annoyed, for what it's worth. There's really no other adequate expression that captures the feeling, so I don't blame them


No other adequate expression than a female student saying 'suck my d!ck'?

Hellfire, Kunzo! The English language is breathtaking in its scope and complexity. 'Suck my d!ck' ain;t the best expression in any situation

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Tue May 06, 2014 7:59 am
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Post Re: Terribly written movie lines
Incidentally, both Julianne Moore and Cameron Diaz also said 'Suck my dick' in "Magnolia" and "Being John Malkovich," respectively. :|


Tue May 06, 2014 8:26 am
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