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Rules You Would Make If You Were King of the Movie World 
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Post Re: Rules You Would Make If You Were King of the Movie World
majoraphasia wrote:
JamesKunz wrote:
majoraphasia wrote:
Have another one:

If the actor/actress can't do the Fake Accent (ScarJo in The Prestige, for example) than hire someone that either can or already has the non-fake accent you're looking for. Fake Accent University has very few impressive grads (Hugh Laurie is the most convincing American-sounding Brit I've yet heard) and a lot of C-students: ScarJo, Anne Hathaway, the entire cast of The Perfect Storm and many, many others.


Agreed. As an adjunct to this rule I suggest banning filmmakers from using British actors to depict Germans/Russians/whatever. Just because they're not Americans doesn't make them more German/Russian/Whatever


Quote:
Last weekend I heard a replay of an interview Tony Curtis did in 1991 (http://www.npr.org/templates/story/stor ... =130248896) during which Curtis commented on why the different accents were used to represent the aristocracy and slaves in Spartacus. I've always disliked how movies like Gladiator and so forth use the standby British accent to represent "old-timey, maybe Roman" and Tony Curtis's explanation wasn't enough to convert me to the cause.
Kind of reminds me of people objecting to the use of American (especially NYC) accents in The Last Temptation of Christ. These were supposedly ordinary guys. Why wouldn't they talk like ordinary people?


Mon Oct 11, 2010 1:48 am
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Post Re: Rules You Would Make If You Were King of the Movie World
These may be repeats, but hopefully a Hollywood producer is reading this so he'll GET THE DAMN PICTURE!

1. Action sequences must be VISIBLE, unless there is a specific reason why they are not supposed to be (i.e. Cloverfield or The Descent).
2. Wes Anderson, Terry Zwigoff, Jared Hess, and all those other "hipster" directors who think mocking people in serious need of psychiatric help is funny shall be institutionalized in a maximum security asylum and shall never be allowed to go near a camera again.
3. Teeny boppers with no talent shall be dropped. Replace with actors of same ages who CAN sing/act.
4. Steven Spielberg shall make movies as a director, not a producer (no more War of the Worlds or CGI in an Indiana Jones movie--stuntwork is what made them so special!)
5. Stuntmen will be used unless absolutely necessary by the laws of physics and reason...no using CGI because it saves a few bucks on insurance and avoids fights with prissy actors.
6. No sequels unless it makes sense from a storytelling persepective. No franchise shall ever be planned--only when the public wants more movies.
7. No more superhero movies. Period.
8. No more remakes unless there is a artistic reason for it. Foreign movies will never be remade unless for said reason. The public needs to get over its fear of subtitles.
9. Content shall determine the rating. No neutering of movies to earn a PG-13 rating.
10. NO PG-13 HORROR MOVIES!
11. No obviously enhanced singing (Jonas Brothers, any pop music star)
12. No movies based on books without a 30 million dollar surcharge.
13. No formula movies without any significant differences from other similar movies.
14. The MPAA must stop listening to the Christian Right or be dismantled. No ifs ands or buts.
15. Films shall not be dumbed down for hillbillies. They shall fit the average intelligence of humanity.
16. All actors must give their characters a sense of individuality. Walking through roles will not be tolerated.
17. DIALOGUE SHALL NOT BE MUMBLED. Speak clearly and give your characters depth instead of faking it (that means YOU, Russell Crowe).
18. Actors with versatility will replace those who can only do one type of role.
19. Actors will be allowed to do more than one type of role--typecasting is illegal.
20. Content shall determine all parts of the movie (color tinting, length, actors/directors/etc).
21. The Weinsteins can never take control of a project out of the director's hands. Nor can any studio. The director has final say. If the movie doesn't do well, then it's a lesson learned.
22. No understated humor. Humor shall flow naturally.
23. No mimicking classic movies. Earn your prestige.
24. Kids of the film industry will only be allowed to act/direct/otherwise participate if they have talent.
25. The Oscars will not telegraph their winners months in advance.

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Wed Oct 20, 2010 6:11 am
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Post Re: Rules You Would Make If You Were King of the Movie World
moviemkr7 wrote:
22. No understated humor. Humor shall flow naturally.


That's certainly an odd one

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Wed Oct 20, 2010 6:13 am
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Post Re: Rules You Would Make If You Were King of the Movie World
Also...

26. Musicals shall consist of newly written songs. No making musicals with songs already produced, unless there is a legitimate reason to do so.

James: I hate The Office, and I hate when humor is restrained. It's pretentious and irritating.

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Wed Oct 20, 2010 12:47 pm
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Post Re: Rules You Would Make If You Were King of the Movie World
The Office isn't restrained, its awkward. Big difference.


Wed Oct 20, 2010 7:59 pm
Post Re: Rules You Would Make If You Were King of the Movie World
JJoshay wrote:
The Office isn't restrained, its awkward. Big difference.

Restrained, akward, whatever you want to call it, it's not the least bit funny.


Wed Oct 20, 2010 8:07 pm
Post Re: Rules You Would Make If You Were King of the Movie World
JamesKunz wrote:
Just thought of one:

No sequels can just be "_______________ 2" You have to come up with an original title for the next movie. The "2" thing is stupid, doesn't make any goddamn sense grammatically, and can be pretty much solely blamed on Coppola for the Godfather 2, though at least he had the decency to use the word "part" to add a little class.

So if you want to make a sequel to Before Sunrise, yeah, don't call it Before Sunrise 2. Call it Before Sunset. Much better.


I can live with numbered sequels. More annoying are sequels to films that actually have a number in the title (The Whole Nine Yards, Ocean's 11) just using the next number.


Wed Oct 20, 2010 8:21 pm
Post Re: Rules You Would Make If You Were King of the Movie World
Vexer wrote:
JJoshay wrote:
The Office isn't restrained, its awkward. Big difference.

Restrained, akward, whatever you want to call it, it's not the least bit funny.


I call it "affected", you call it "not the least bit funny" and either way neither one of us would choose to watch that show so we may as well just shake hands and agree that The Office belongs to others.

Oh, it's available on Netflix Instant if anyone is curious*.

*Has anyone else noticed how this is becoming the Reelviews Forum catchphrase?


Wed Oct 20, 2010 8:42 pm
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Post Re: Rules You Would Make If You Were King of the Movie World
ShrunkenHead wrote:
JamesKunz wrote:
Just thought of one:

No sequels can just be "_______________ 2" You have to come up with an original title for the next movie. The "2" thing is stupid, doesn't make any goddamn sense grammatically, and can be pretty much solely blamed on Coppola for the Godfather 2, though at least he had the decency to use the word "part" to add a little class.

So if you want to make a sequel to Before Sunrise, yeah, don't call it Before Sunrise 2. Call it Before Sunset. Much better.


I can live with numbered sequels. More annoying are sequels to films that actually have a number in the title (The Whole Nine Yards, Ocean's 11) just using the next number.


Yeah that's pretty dumb too (can you imagine a Fahrenheit 452?) but I think I prefer Ocean's 12 to Ocean's 11 2

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Wed Oct 20, 2010 8:50 pm
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Post Re: Rules You Would Make If You Were King of the Movie World
The Office? Restrained? Hardly. It doesn't reach for the laugh, which is about as natural as a sitcom can probably get. Most sitcoms ram the jokes down with a hammer.


Wed Oct 20, 2010 9:08 pm
Post Re: Rules You Would Make If You Were King of the Movie World
JamesKunz wrote:
ShrunkenHead wrote:
I can live with numbered sequels. More annoying are sequels to films that actually have a number in the title (The Whole Nine Yards, Ocean's 11) just using the next number.


Yeah that's pretty dumb too (can you imagine a Fahrenheit 452?) but I think I prefer Ocean's 12 to Ocean's 11 2


Yeah, that would make a pretty bad title. :lol:

Besides, don't they actually add one to their number in the film, making them a group of 12 rather than 11 (I've never seen the Ocean's movies)? In that case, the title pertains to the story.


Wed Oct 20, 2010 11:11 pm
Post Re: Rules You Would Make If You Were King of the Movie World
My Rules:

1) No one who is pitching a movie to studio executives can base use the argument "this movie will make a lot of money" as a reason for why they deserve funding. They must argue solely on things like artistic merit, the strength of the story, creative vision, etc.

2) Any one who uses the phrase, "I'd like to thank..." during the Oscar ceremony immediately gets yanked off the stage with a giant hook.

3) Using fart jokes/flatulance/potty humor in a movie is punishable by death.

4) No such thing as 3D conversion. You either do 3D right (as Avatar did), or you do not do it.

5) Romantic Comedies are only allowed if their creator can point out at least 5 major plot elements in their script that were never ever used in another romantic comedy.

6) Sequels can be made, but only if their reason for existence is something other than "the first one made a boatload of money" (If you have questions, see number one).

7) For every shot in a movie that lasts less then one second, the filmmakers must donate 10 million dollars to charity. If less then 2 seconds, only 1 milllion.

8) The MPAA is banned. Instead, information is made available to parents regarding the adult content of a movie, who then have to take responsibility and decide what their kids can/cannot watch.


Wed Oct 20, 2010 11:12 pm
Post Re: Rules You Would Make If You Were King of the Movie World
I would severely the amount of historical epics being as there are WAAYYYY TOO many of those nowadays and they're all far too similar to one another.


Wed Oct 20, 2010 11:46 pm
Post Re: Rules You Would Make If You Were King of the Movie World
thered47 wrote:
1) No one who is pitching a movie to studio executives can base use the argument "this movie will make a lot of money" as a reason for why they deserve funding. They must argue solely on things like artistic merit, the strength of the story, creative vision, etc.


The pitch isn't the problem so much as deaf executives who hear so much in the language of $$$ that the ambitious scribe might as well start pitching with his fingers in the argument "this movie will make a lot of money."


Thu Oct 21, 2010 1:05 pm
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Post Re: Rules You Would Make If You Were King of the Movie World
majoraphasia wrote:
thered47 wrote:
1) No one who is pitching a movie to studio executives can base use the argument "this movie will make a lot of money" as a reason for why they deserve funding. They must argue solely on things like artistic merit, the strength of the story, creative vision, etc.


The pitch isn't the problem so much as deaf executives who hear so much in the language of $$$ that the ambitious scribe might as well start pitching with his fingers in the argument "this movie will make a lot of money."


The problem is that the studios forget why they're making movies. They need to remember that people go to the movies for entertainment, not because they're suckered into it. When was the last movie besides Avatar that people went to because they were excited about it (note: no bashing Avatar. It was a good movie, and its quality is not the point).

New rules:
1. No horror movie can be less than R rated.
2. The NC-17 rating will be given to movies that are ultraviolent (Sin City, Passion of the Christ, Ravenous). Mainstream theaters will play them, and they will be treated like any other film rating.

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Fri Oct 22, 2010 2:49 pm
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Post Re: Rules You Would Make If You Were King of the Movie World
moviemkr7 wrote:
majoraphasia wrote:
thered47 wrote:
1) No one who is pitching a movie to studio executives can base use the argument "this movie will make a lot of money" as a reason for why they deserve funding. They must argue solely on things like artistic merit, the strength of the story, creative vision, etc.


The pitch isn't the problem so much as deaf executives who hear so much in the language of $$$ that the ambitious scribe might as well start pitching with his fingers in the argument "this movie will make a lot of money."


The problem is that the studios forget why they're making movies. They need to remember that people go to the movies for entertainment, not because they're suckered into it. When was the last movie besides Avatar that people went to because they were excited about it (note: no bashing Avatar. It was a good movie, and its quality is not the point).


I'm not sure the motive for making movies, at least from the producer's point of view, has ever been any different than it is. The don't, the studios that is, have some Church-like power of the people -- not only am I not cynical enough to believe that but I honestly believe the people really love Transformers 2 or what have you. There's no leadership other than that which cheap viscera gives. The same leads to success for The Social Network as well as Transformers 2. Marketing budgets are not tower-like enough to bring in the wheat for Cyrus and so a movie like A.I. becomes the friendly compromise. I'll take it.


Fri Oct 22, 2010 4:05 pm
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Post Re: Rules You Would Make If You Were King of the Movie World
JamesKunz wrote:
+ Unless there's some legitimate reason (that has to be expressed to me personally) every movie must show its title before the film/during the first 20 minutes. I'm sick of how Avatar and The Dark Knight and a lot of other movies these days arbitrarily decide not to show the title. It's okay if you're Paranormal Activity and are trying to build an illusion that this is "found" footage, but for a normal movie, show your damn title.


Why? Obviously someone like Nolan did have a legitimate reason, stylistic or whatever for doing so. I like it. The truth is, I don't even need a movie title. 99% (made-up-figure) of the people who are watching a movie know damn well what the hell movie they're watching. Why in the world are you going to insist that it'd be place at the start?

There's a blurb on one of Ebert's fan questions which addresses this point. The person made the argument that good movies, like Dark Knight, end well on the title card because it instantly reminds the audience as they're walking out the name of the movie. I always thought Dark Knight's ending on a half-note in the soundtrack, with the instant cut to black and the title was exceptionally badass.


Sun Oct 24, 2010 1:30 pm
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Post Re: Rules You Would Make If You Were King of the Movie World
Mother Goose wrote:
Why? Obviously someone like Nolan did have a legitimate reason, stylistic or whatever for doing so.


That logic is fairly...absurd. You can't just assume that someone has a good reason for something because you like them.

When I say legitimate reason, I mean a convincing artistic rationale. Take something like Paranormal Activity. It was trying to convince the viewer that what was on the screen was actual footage taped by the couple in the film. Therefore showing the title would have broken the spell. So l'm cool with that. But The Dark Knight and Avatar and Inception are movies and they have no good reason for not showing their titles. It's an integral part of the film.

Incidentally I also really liked the ending of The Dark Knight, in large part because I was so thrilled that that long motherfucking dirge of a movie was finally friggin over.

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Sun Oct 24, 2010 1:59 pm
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Post Re: Rules You Would Make If You Were King of the Movie World
I know a lot of these have probably already been used. But this is my list. So here goes.

1: Hollywood will remember that there's an ADULT movie audience out there. And that does not mean adult as in porno movies either. It's okay to make movies for the whole film, a great family film like Wall-E or the oroginal Shrek is proof of that. But there's also an adult audience that wants stuff that isn't dumbed down for the teen audience.

2: NO MORE ADAPTATIONS of video games, cartoons, board games or TV shows that haven't been in syndication for a decade (yes you Land Of The Lost).

3: Oliver Stone and Spike Lee must get back to writing their movies themselves.

4: Any pop singer, Celeb who just got famous because of their family or fashion model who has been determined unable to act (Madonna, Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson and so on) is banned permanently from acting. Singers who have proven they can act yet have limited range (Beyonce) are assigned to take acting classes. If they pass and still have not learned to act, they are hereby out of Hollywood and told to stick to singing.

5: Raja Gosnell has his DGA card taken away and his camera confiscated.

6: Rob Schenider is forbidden from ever acting in a lead role again. In fact, he's forbidden from appearing in any role longer than 3 or 4 lines.

7: Sequelize ONLY if there's more story to be told.

8: No more re-making films that are considered to be classics.

9: For that matter, no more re-making average movies that cannot be improved upon (Walking Tall).

10: Robert De Niro is forbidden from starring in any more Fockers movies. In fact, he is hereby ordered to make another dramatic movie with Martin Scorsese.

11: Take a break from the zombie movies (aside from the 28 Days series and anything by George Romero of course). It'e getting old.

12: Movie theater owners must make room for independent films like Night Catches Us. If it means they may have 2 or 3 less screens for Little Fockers or a Little Fockers equivalent so be it.

13: The summer movie season will go back to being the ACTUAL summer movie season. This means the period between Memorial and Labor Day.

14: No more intelligent sci-fi and dramatic films can cop-out by ending with action movie climaxes.

15: Statue of limitations on certain characters. There comes a point when Freddie Krueger, Michael Myers, Rambo, Jason Vorhees and John McClane are less characters than walking caricatures. James Bond is exempt from this rule.

16: Denzel Washington is hereby ordered to work with another director than Tony Scott on his next film.

17: Michael Bay is ordered to make no more Transformers movies. He is also ordered not to aim for anything historically ambitious as Pearl Harbor proved he cannot handle that. Make more movies in the style of The Rock and the original Bad Boys.

18: Eddie Murphy is forbidden from making any more family comedies and any more fat suited vulgarian movies. He is also ordered not to make Beverly Hills Cop II. Instead, he is ordered to take on a serious dramatic role in a film by a director like Paul Thomas Anderson.

19: No more 3-D! Just because it worked on AVATAR does not mean it needs to be used on middling stuff like The Green Hornet.

20: No more equating box office success with quality. For every Raisders Of The Lost Ark or Gladiator that was a legitimately good blockbuster, you have 10 Scorpion Kings and Transformers.

21: No more screenwriting by committee. At max, 3 screenwriters to a script.

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Thu Mar 10, 2011 2:29 am
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Post Re: Rules You Would Make If You Were King of the Movie World
Well Bay did say he wasn't going to make another Transformers film anyways, so you'll at least get that wish(as for Pearl Harbor, it was mostly studio interference that messed up that film, Bay had nothing at all to do with that love triangle storyline, that was all Randall Wallace's idea) And I would say that Romero should give zombie films a rest, as most horror fans like myself feel that his last few films have been rather lackluster at best.


Thu Mar 10, 2011 2:41 am
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