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ONLINE DATING. Any positive advice or experiences please. 
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Post ONLINE DATING. Any positive advice or experiences please.
If you’ve been done the internet dating thing, have a friend who has, or just have some positive thoughts about it I’d love to hear them.
I recently broke up with my partner of nine years and joined an online dating site. At the age of 36 I thought it could be a good way to meet someone new and move on.
Maybe I’m still in the Forgetting Sarah Marshall headspace or perhaps I just need to bite the bullet and dive in head first. There are plenty of “compatable” women who are willing to meet up but I keep putting off the first date. The whole process is doing my fucking head in.
There are some “interesting” people on these sites. Below are some emails from someone I’ve been it touch with for a couple of weeks and obviously never met. It’s fucking sickening to read really. I’m not being myself and I sure as shit hope she isn’t either.

Her...
Hey Leigh,
I take it by your lack of response you have decided you no longer want to keep in contact.. .. You know I was joking when I said I was moody.. Well hope it is because you have met some one nice.. thanks for your original email... though would have been nice to know you had decided not write anymore.... good luck with it all.
Cheers
(Her first name)

Me…
Hi *****,
Maybe I owe you an apology for not getting back to you sooner? I'm genuinely new to this site and not really sure what the heck to say or how often to stay in touch. I can see your point though; a week is a bit rude not to reply.
Anyway, hope you had a great New Years Eve with your sister and guess you're probably back at work too?
I got back to Melbourne last Wednesday, worked Thursday and Friday (where did the holidays go) and now back into the full swing of things. The company I work for is ***** and I really do love the environment compared to previous workplaces.
The almost two weeks I spent in the country were nice, catching up with old friends etc, but I'm a firm believer the best thing Shepparton has going for it is The Hume Highway back to Melbourne :-)
Didn't do much over the weekend, felt like my body needed a bit of sobering up after the xmas period. Always seem to drink a lot more alcohol when back in the country, but I guess most people do over the xmas break.
Went to see Life of Pi in 3d yesterday. I'd read the book but didn't think much of it, actually enjoyed the film much more than the book which is rare. I love Ang Lee as a film maker; The Ice Storm, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon and Brokeback Mountain are all beautiful films in such varying ways.
I'd like to stay in touch and will respond quicker next time. I'd like to know more about you but don't want to pry. You must be looking forward to your next overseas trip, bet you can't wait until August.
Leigh
P.S. I did know you were joking about being moody. They breed us pretty simple in Shepp, but luckily sarcasm is a trait we can recognise :-)

Her…
Hey Leigh,
Nah that's cool.. No need to apologize for being a slacker.. LOL.. Look I am pretty sure there are no rules with these things.a week is nothing really. but to be honest I wasn't sure as I had seen you had been on line.. Not a stalker honest.. I just thought you had decided not to keep in contact... and would totally understand if that was/is the case... I guess I was just getting a bit over people who would either say they wanted an email and then never write back.. waste of stamps.. or a couple who had sent an email and then I had heard nothing.. I am sure you have or will come across this.... ..Sorry I will stop moaning.. LOL

Yes New Years was lovely.. We had a few .. relaxed and played pub trivia.. getn a bit into the trivia playing lately..Got one of the girls from work coming over on the weekend with her partner to have a game.. so that should be fun.
Shep is lovely but I can totally understand how coming home would be very appealing.. Actually .. my friend from Shep came down on Sat.. We went for high tea at the Windsor.. Which was nice.. Something a bit different.. Soooo many yummy cakes.. So if you were a sweet tooth you would be in heaven.. Don't get me wrong I love sweets .. but I think a bit more savoury would have been nice..
Was back at work last week.. Things are kinda back to normal there now.. As far as group programs go.. I really can't believe how fast last year went and that Chrissy is all over and done with for another year.. Lets hope 2013 has some good thing in store.. though not off to a good start with these bush fires.. though in saying that I guess it is all part and parcel of this great country we live in..
Yes .. really looking forward to going on trip.. though it will prob also be a bit confronting as we are going to see my aunty .. who is not well with leukaemia.. one of the main reasons we are going really .. to spend time with her .. and to see the rest of the fam of course.. Will be great to see a few things too.. So I have some work to do before Aug... Want to loose a some weight and get fitter..

Well hope you have had a good week..
Don't feel like you are prying. Ask away.. That is what it's all about.. but don't feel you have to keep writing if you don't want.. Would totally understand..
Enjoy ur nite..
Seems there is this doco on about these young Aussie actors.. who go to the US. so I am just gunna check it out.

Chow
*****

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Sat Jan 12, 2013 1:36 pm
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Post Re: ONLINE DATING. Any positive advice or experiences please.
I have no experience with online dating but just popped in to say that this made for interesting reading. Thanks for bleeding so publicly and offering us a look inside (well, kind of).

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Sat Jan 12, 2013 5:46 pm
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Post Re: ONLINE DATING. Any positive advice or experiences please.
First of all, congrats in taking a plunge into this world. A good friend of mine did this secretly for 18 months after getting divorced and had an incredible time (some very good, some equally as bad).

I think what you have to remember is that this kind of "by numbers" approach to dating is in someways at odds with how we've been raised to view the world. His experiences were exausting and a real eye-opener. I suppose it depends on your character. If you really want to find out about people, and most importantly how people see you then go for it. At his peak he was on 4 dates a week which is pretty mindblowing really (I've been on about 4 in my life).

It exposed him to some pretty damaged and fucked up people which shattered a few illusions he held about the world; but also some truly wonderful and amazing people that he would have never have met if it had not been for taking the plunge.

From his now extensive reports, it's worthwhile if you're emotionally up to it because the internet is wonderful for crossing physical, professional and situational divides. But there is also a Pandora's box element to it all that you should keep in mind.

Your exchange seems like all lobotomized conversations between people who are scared to hell about revealling how fucked up they are in the first few minutes.

My (second hand) advice - be strong! :D

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Mon Jan 14, 2013 6:04 am
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Post Re: ONLINE DATING. Any positive advice or experiences please.
wisey wrote:
It’s fucking sickening to read really. I’m not being myself and I sure as shit hope she isn’t either.


This gave me a good laugh. Also, why do girls use so many ellipses!?!? Jesus Christ, learn what a fucking period (a grammatical one, that is...ZING!) or comma is!

I have a friend who met his now girlfriend from an online dating site. They seem pretty happy. It's a very low risk way of meeting people, which might be good for someone coming out of a long relationship. If you want to reject someone, or they want to reject you, there's nothing to it - you just stop communicating.

I personally believe you have to go ahead and go on some dates if you want to get anything substantial out of it. There will come a point where ladies will become "online friends" instead of "potential partners". The only thing worse than being in the friend zone is being in the online friend zone.

Like you alluded to though, maybe you just aren't ready to date yet. I mean, 9 years is a really long time to be with someone. If that's the case, my advice would be to drop the whole online dating thing and be single for a while. Or, meet girls online who aren't interested in long term relationships. Go out, have fun, and if that leads to anything, great. If not, you'll at least be moving on from your ex.


Mon Jan 14, 2013 10:41 am
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Post Re: ONLINE DATING. Any positive advice or experiences please.
PeachyPete wrote:
Like you alluded to though, maybe you just aren't ready to date yet. I mean, 9 years is a really long time to be with someone. If that's the case, my advice would be to drop the whole online dating thing and be single for a while. Or, meet girls online who aren't interested in long term relationships. Go out, have fun, and if that leads to anything, great. If not, you'll at least be moving on from your ex.


I'll second that. The most important thing I've learnt after a breakup is to embrace being single. Learn to love your own company and the freedoms afforded to you. Generally I have a rule that I don't look to get into another relationship until I actually enjoy not being in one. Sounds a bit weird, but it means that I'm not bringing any baggage to any future relationships.

I suppose that our circumstances are quite different, as you're quite a bit older than me, and I could imagine the you'd feel a greater need to get back into the dating pool. But I really need a significant period of being single between relationships.


Mon Jan 14, 2013 8:57 pm
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Post Re: ONLINE DATING. Any positive advice or experiences please.
My father met his second wife through an online personal ad. He placed it in late 2002. She was one of three replies. They met, hit ot off and were married two years later. Still together today.

That (and a high school friend who met her current fiancee through a dating site) are the only up close experiences I've had with online dating.

That eHarmony site always promotes itself as giving you 100% compatibility. I don't think such a thing exists. If it does things would get awfully boring after a while. One movie idea I've contemplated for a while is a sci-fi/horror/comedy in which an EHarmonyesque online dating site run by a creepy Neil Clark Waeren type guy promises 100% compatibility only its achieved by brainwashing perspective dates.

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Fri Jan 18, 2013 1:21 am
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Post Re: ONLINE DATING. Any positive advice or experiences please.
I've been using OkCupid for something like a year and change. My friend (Utah) recommended it to me after meeting a lady (Missouri) on it. They're still together, by the way. Moving in later this year, I think. Also, my father used it to meet his current girlfriend. They just bought a dog together.

I talked to this one girl at length, to the point where we exchanged phone numbers, but she developed deep affections for me without seeing how scraggly my beard is in person, so I let her go. That's a little creepy, no? To fall in love with someone without seeing their quirks in person? What if it turns out I'm a dick? What if I have major problems with the L-word? I might have found that kind of virtual affection endearing when I was fifteen, but I'm almost twenty-three. Take it slow, guuurrrrrrl.

Recently, this girl messaged "hi :)" to me and we had a very brief back-and-forth. She was boring.

And that's about it. If you put enough work into it, you'll probably find someone. Maybe I haven't found the right way to start up a conversation.

I used to use a xanga when I was in high school and briefly dated someone who found me in a... blogring? We met twice. It was awkward. I was awkward. She messaged me a few years later to find out if I smoked weed. I didn't at the time. I've been meaning to reconnect with her, but she's in the UK for school now. Oops.

I'm fundamentally non-threatening, which is my nicest perk and largest downfall.

Now you know, ReelViews. I'm not the golden, cigar-toting, leaf-over-my-dick fellow you-all think I am!

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Sun Jan 20, 2013 11:28 pm
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Post Re: ONLINE DATING. Any positive advice or experiences please.
I tried online dating about 10 or more years ago, when there was more of an air of desperation and "loser"-ishness on the whole prospect. I had a couple of first dates but they never went much beyond that. More serious relationships developed from meeting girls through traditional means (friends, social gatherings, etc.) My wife and I met through friends, though we weren't "set up" or anything (I had to take the initiative).

I understand that much of the social stigma with online dating is gone these days and have a few friends who met their wives through the medium. But I was more than happy to delete my online profiles when I started seriously dating my wife. I found online courting to be more time consuming than traditional avenues.


Mon Jan 21, 2013 3:27 pm
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Post Re: ONLINE DATING. Any positive advice or experiences please.
Thanks for all the sensible advice and responses, especially from NotHughGrant and PeachyPete. Love that line Pete, “The only thing worse than being in the friend zone is being in the online friend zone.” How true.

Been on two dates, the first one scared the fuck out of me and the second wasn’t too bad. I wasn’t attracted to either of the women (I mean I would have fucked them once if I could’ve) but the dates haven’t panned out that well just yet.

I’m not as petrified in being up front and asking the woman out after the first date so it’s good to be moving on.

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Tue Feb 12, 2013 6:11 am
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Post Re: ONLINE DATING. Any positive advice or experiences please.
Funnily enough, I thought of this thread when round my said pal's house a couple of Saturdays ago.

Anyhooow, a couple of months into his adventures he messaged a very elegant and attractive older a woman (he was 31, she 42) from the site, on a whim, and to his surprise she replied in a positive fashion. Anyway, they connected pretty quickly and he seriously thought his luck was in. They messaged each other 30 or 40 times a day (yes, a day!) and the "best" part was, she only lived about 30 miles away (remember how small England actually is).

Problem is, despite being a genuine "find" (5.10, slim, attractive, long dark hair, well-educated, well-read, good taste in books, music, and MOVIES), she was damaged, or to put it in less PC terms... fucked up!

Twice-divorced with serious issues regarding men (her Dad left when she was a kid, her previous husband inflicted psychological torture on her). And my pal is a naive kind of chap in many ways, and was seriously unprepared for the stuff that he was telling me. And I must admit that I did nearly cry laughing at some of it. Anyway, he had to very quietly and subtly let the whole thing die a death over the next three months until she found another victim, which she did because she told him, firstly through a series of gloating messages, and then as a kind of mea culpa.

None of this is meant to put you off, Wisey. It's just here to tell you that if, if this kind of thing happens to you... you're not alone.

But it did end well. He only fessed up to using the internet when he was forced to divulge where he had met his current girlfriend.
A very nice girl indeed.

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Tue Feb 12, 2013 10:20 am
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Post Re: ONLINE DATING. Any positive advice or experiences please.
I can't see using online dating for anything more than meeting a pathetic slam-piece, although I have started testing the waters with this new iPhone app called Tinder. Basically, it shows all available women within a radius around you that you designate (mine is 10 miles), and you just flip through pictures of babes by either "not liking" them or "liking" them. The babes don't know if you hit like or not like, but if they happen to see and like your picture on their end, then you are "matched" and an sms is set up between both of you.

It is just a useful time waster for me. I've already gotten several matches within two weeks and struck up several different convos. Pretty easy slam-piece action, almost as easy as picking some slut up at the bar. I'm also going to try this new facebook bang app, which works just like tinder, but if you get matched, it is implied you just want to have sex; cuts through all the bullshit. There is another app called grouper where dates are set up between parties of 2-3 guys and girls. I don't want to do that one though, because most likely all of the girls you meet aren't going to be hot, and one of the bros is going to get stuck with the ugly chick.


Tue Feb 12, 2013 3:53 pm
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Post Re: ONLINE DATING. Any positive advice or experiences please.
^ Congratulations, you've just earned The Douchiest Post in the History of Reelviews Award! Well done, roastbeef_ajus!


Tue Feb 12, 2013 5:27 pm
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Post Re: ONLINE DATING. Any positive advice or experiences please.
^ Chill. It's called raging in college and enjoying my 20s ^. Besides, it's nothing this bro wouldn't do:

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Tue Feb 12, 2013 5:39 pm
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Post Re: ONLINE DATING. Any positive advice or experiences please.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to get some ass... but come now. That post made everybody here want to slap the backwards baseball cap right off your head.

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Tue Feb 12, 2013 8:39 pm
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Post Re: ONLINE DATING. Any positive advice or experiences please.
...


Last edited by Awkward Beard Man on Tue Sep 10, 2013 7:23 am, edited 1 time in total.



Tue Feb 12, 2013 9:04 pm
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Post Re: ONLINE DATING. Any positive advice or experiences please.
roastbeef_ajus wrote:
I can't see using online dating for anything more than meeting a pathetic slam-piece, although I have started testing the waters with this new iPhone app called Tinder. Basically, it shows all available women within a radius around you that you designate (mine is 10 miles), and you just flip through pictures of babes by either "not liking" them or "liking" them. The babes don't know if you hit like or not like, but if they happen to see and like your picture on their end, then you are "matched" and an sms is set up between both of you.

It is just a useful time waster for me. I've already gotten several matches within two weeks and struck up several different convos. Pretty easy slam-piece action, almost as easy as picking some slut up at the bar. I'm also going to try this new facebook bang app, which works just like tinder, but if you get matched, it is implied you just want to have sex; cuts through all the bullshit. There is another app called grouper where dates are set up between parties of 2-3 guys and girls. I don't want to do that one though, because most likely all of the girls you meet aren't going to be hot, and one of the bros is going to get stuck with the ugly chick.

You're the one who's pathetic, it's people like you that make me ashamed to be a man. :evil:


Tue Feb 12, 2013 9:46 pm
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Post Re: ONLINE DATING. Any positive advice or experiences please.
With your sparkling personality roastbeef, you always get the ugly chicks cause the hot ones are too smart to fuck an inbred hick like you.


Tue Feb 12, 2013 9:51 pm
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Post Re: ONLINE DATING. Any positive advice or experiences please.
Let's get this thread back on topic.

Full disclosure time: I've met two of my girlfriends online. Neither was an online dating site--more of an online community thing, sort of like this one--and the first girlfriend was the one with whom the relationship began online first, to the extent that such a thing can happen. That one didn't last long. In fact, it was just a couple months of real life, in-person dating before things got weird. After a year, it was a full-on cataclysm.

The second one, there was no online romance. I did first come across her online, but there was no romance. That didn't start until we'd been hanging out for realsies for at least a few months. We lived in the same city and went to the same university, you see.

(She's the most recent one, the girl who shitcanned me last year. Even so, it was a 4.5 relationship that was one of the most fulfilling periods of my still-young life. She's still a close friend.)

I guess you could say that in my experience, the Internet's ability to matchmake people has its limitations. You can make friends, but the real romance is still forged almost exclusively through real life interaction. Like I said, just my experience.

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Tue Feb 12, 2013 11:18 pm
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Post Re: ONLINE DATING. Any positive advice or experiences please.
patrick wrote:
With your sparkling personality roastbeef, you always get the ugly chicks cause the hot ones are too smart to fuck an inbred hick like you.


Mmm no. Have you been to college or through a fraternity house?...it's all games. One of my bros went around the bar and asked, "hey, my name is Aaron, want to fuck?", just to see if he could. I think it took 30-40 girls, but it did work. Why is this board so high strung? And how does my shenanigans make me a inbred hick? I guarantee you if you met me at a bar, I could pick up the hottest girl in it.


Wed Feb 13, 2013 12:24 pm
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Post Re: ONLINE DATING. Any positive advice or experiences please.
Ken wrote:
There's nothing wrong with wanting to get some ass... but come now. That post made everybody here want to slap the backwards baseball cap right off your head.


I don't wear backwards baseball caps.

Why is everybody so pissed about my post? None of you have ever run through bar sluts before?


Wed Feb 13, 2013 12:39 pm
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