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Having/Not Having Kids 
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Post Having/Not Having Kids
I heard a discussion on the radio this morning that absolutely infuriated me, and since it seems like people here are pretty cool, I thought I'd get some opinions.

This morning radio show has three male and one female host. Two of the male hosts believed that if a woman did not want to have children, it basically meant that she was a selfish person who is going against nature. The other male and the female host disagreed, thank goodness, but I find this attitude so unbelievably backwards, as if the only thing that women are good for is to breed. Of course, when asked if it was OK for men to not want children, they dodged the issue repeatedly. Honestly, if a woman decides that she has neither the time nor temperament for motherhood, that means she's a terrible person?

I'd like to hear opinions from men and women regarding this issue.


Thu Mar 12, 2009 3:45 pm
Post Re: Having/Not Having Kids
I think having or not having children is a personal choice that everyone has to make. Personally, I don't feel that either way is more "natural" than the other. Both choices are fine, depending on the person. I think whoever said that women need to have children is a little backwards in his thinking. Like I said, it's an individual choice, and he had no right to basically tell women who don't want kids that they are unnatural.


Thu Mar 12, 2009 3:52 pm
Post Re: Having/Not Having Kids
I'm warning you that if this thread gets out of control in flames, it will be deleted.

Also, if the time isn't right for a woman to have a baby, then time isn't right. Simple as that...same thing for guys.


Thu Mar 12, 2009 4:08 pm
Post Re: Having/Not Having Kids
No fleming from me

I think that I'm one of the elder statesmen of the forum (50)

I was really opposed to having kids through my late teens and on into my thirties.

We finally had two sons - the best two things in my life!

The reality for me is that this is a personal choice and not one to make judgments about. I had two and it does not make me any better or worse than the person who had, zero, one or more. I'd encourage people to wait until they are ready as it's a bigger commitment than I could ever have imagined.

I would make one observation that saddens me : I assist / teach Maths in a school every Monday morning. I am always shocked how many parents seems to be doing nothing to help their kids. The ones who are getting help are so far ahead of the others. the main teacher mentioned it to me re one student and we give that person all the extra help we can. However, he's slipping behind because we have 29 kids and there's only so much we can do. Part of my job is trying to isolate, understand and explain drivers of variance. In a school classroom, the role and involvement of the parents is pretty closely linked to the performance of the child. makes me sad, because we've got some great kids in our class.

As for that radio show. nothing unusual really :-)

Rob


Thu Mar 12, 2009 4:40 pm
Post Re: Having/Not Having Kids
I'm vehemently against kids. If Children of Men were to happen, I'd be a happy man.

Okay, not really. I always say I hate kids, but I don't think that's truly the case. Providing I've got a wife and I'm financially stable (which is impossible these days), I'll probably want to have at least one. In fact, I'll even go out on a limb and suggest that I'd be a good father. What makes me say I hate kids is how annoying they can be, and I rarely get exposed to the joy they can be. My most recent exposure to said joy was when my friend (19) was talking to his sister (6). Their entire conversation was the most adorable thing I had ever seen and I couldn't help but smile the widest smile I could.

So I'm ambivalent. I guess it's still a long way off.


Thu Mar 12, 2009 4:48 pm
Post Re: Having/Not Having Kids
Quote:
I'm vehemently against kids. If Children of Men were to happen, I'd be a happy man.


:lol: :lol: :lol:

Thanks for the laugh. Images of Mr. Mom flashed through my head as I read that one....priceless....


Thu Mar 12, 2009 11:36 pm
Post Re: Having/Not Having Kids
One day, with the right woman.



I hope I get a son, really.


Thu Mar 12, 2009 11:42 pm
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Joined: Sun Mar 01, 2009 9:17 pm
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Post Re: Having/Not Having Kids
I don't think that women are just for breeding. I'm an extremely selfish person. Do what you want. Why should you have to live by someone else's standards?

Personally, I can't imagine having kids. I'm still young, but I want to live my life, build a career, and do something interesting. I have nothing against getting married, but kids... meh... not for me...


Fri Mar 13, 2009 4:40 am
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Post Re: Having/Not Having Kids
I am an only child and my parents had me at 18. To this day are insistent I wasn't a mistake :P In all my social circles I have the youngest parents and am the top casualty of MILF jokes.. however it does give me an interesting perspective to share.

Like many of us have said children are a great responsibility, and individuals like my parents who are thrust into these kind of situations have to push themselves much harder and succumb to that responsibility a lot faster than usual if they want things to work out. It's unfortunate that many choose not to.

While the sacrifice and opportunity cost of some partying, soul-searching, and social networking may have been significant, the maturity that they've grown up with has enabled them to advance much further (and faster) in their professional careers - my mother is 38 and a VP of a large marketing firm and my dad (39) is a seasoned IT Director. They catching up on the partying now with a vengence :D

People in all relationships experience a degree of conflict but it's a lot harder to 'abandon ship' when someone else's life is on the line. My existence has been the reason for them to stick it out throught the tough and rough and ultimately it has strengthened their marriage, love, and mutual respect for one another. From what I remember, they've told me most of their college friends who got married at a similar age without kids are now divorced :|

From my end, having young parents in a more of a big brother/sister kinda role was always kinda cool. We were always closer. From a very young age they were blessed with having solid values nurtured in them and I'm grateful that out of my upbringing the same values could be passed down to me. Was their parenting perfect.. probably not, but is it ever? Money was tight but it taught us to adapt and overcome. Would it have been easier if I was born into their 30s when they had secure careers, maybe. Maybe I would've grown up to feel more entitled or spoiled, but ultimately, I don't know that and I'm really happy with the way it all turned out and wouldn't change a thing!


Fri Mar 13, 2009 1:13 pm
Post Re: Having/Not Having Kids
euphoric_daedalus wrote:
I am an only child and my parents had me at 18. To this day are insistent I wasn't a mistake :P In all my social circles I have the youngest parents and am the top casualty of MILF jokes.. however it does give me an interesting perspective to share.

Like many of us have said children are a great responsibility, and individuals like my parents who are thrust into these kind of situations have to push themselves much harder and succumb to that responsibility a lot faster than usual if they want things to work out. It's unfortunate that many choose not to.

While the sacrifice and opportunity cost of some partying, soul-searching, and social networking may have been significant, the maturity that they've grown up with has enabled them to advance much further (and faster) in their professional careers - my mother is 38 and a VP of a large marketing firm and my dad (39) is a seasoned IT Director. They catching up on the partying now with a vengence :D

People in all relationships experience a degree of conflict but it's a lot harder to 'abandon ship' when someone else's life is on the line. My existence has been the reason for them to stick it out throught the tough and rough and ultimately it has strengthened their marriage, love, and mutual respect for one another. From what I remember, they've told me most of their college friends who got married at a similar age without kids are now divorced :|

From my end, having young parents in a more of a big brother/sister kinda role was always kinda cool. We were always closer. From a very young age they were blessed with having solid values nurtured in them and I'm grateful that out of my upbringing the same values could be passed down to me. Was their parenting perfect.. probably not, but is it ever? Money was tight but it taught us to adapt and overcome. Would it have been easier if I was born into their 30s when they had secure careers, maybe. Maybe I would've grown up to feel more entitled or spoiled, but ultimately, I don't know that and I'm really happy with the way it all turned out and wouldn't change a thing!



Hi e_d,

What a cool post!

It's strange how everyone sees things differently. I know single kids who regret no brothers and sisters.

One of my regrets is that my father died when i was ten - so i missed out. That changes the way you are with your own kids.

Rob

Rob


Fri Mar 13, 2009 4:00 pm
Post Re: Having/Not Having Kids
Robert Holloway wrote:
euphoric_daedalus wrote:
I am an only child and my parents had me at 18. To this day are insistent I wasn't a mistake :P In all my social circles I have the youngest parents and am the top casualty of MILF jokes.. however it does give me an interesting perspective to share.

Like many of us have said children are a great responsibility, and individuals like my parents who are thrust into these kind of situations have to push themselves much harder and succumb to that responsibility a lot faster than usual if they want things to work out. It's unfortunate that many choose not to.

While the sacrifice and opportunity cost of some partying, soul-searching, and social networking may have been significant, the maturity that they've grown up with has enabled them to advance much further (and faster) in their professional careers - my mother is 38 and a VP of a large marketing firm and my dad (39) is a seasoned IT Director. They catching up on the partying now with a vengence :D

People in all relationships experience a degree of conflict but it's a lot harder to 'abandon ship' when someone else's life is on the line. My existence has been the reason for them to stick it out throught the tough and rough and ultimately it has strengthened their marriage, love, and mutual respect for one another. From what I remember, they've told me most of their college friends who got married at a similar age without kids are now divorced :|

From my end, having young parents in a more of a big brother/sister kinda role was always kinda cool. We were always closer. From a very young age they were blessed with having solid values nurtured in them and I'm grateful that out of my upbringing the same values could be passed down to me. Was their parenting perfect.. probably not, but is it ever? Money was tight but it taught us to adapt and overcome. Would it have been easier if I was born into their 30s when they had secure careers, maybe. Maybe I would've grown up to feel more entitled or spoiled, but ultimately, I don't know that and I'm really happy with the way it all turned out and wouldn't change a thing!



Hi e_d,

What a cool post!

It's strange how everyone sees things differently. I know single kids who regret no brothers and sisters.

One of my regrets is that my father died when i was ten - so i missed out. That changes the way you are with your own kids.

Rob


The film Before Sunset features a wonderful conversation regarding children, if you haven't gotten a chance to see it yet.

Heya Rob,

Having a brother would've been nice, although I think the prospect of sharing things would've killed me, haha. I read in some psych journal that having siblings of the opposite sex makes you a lot more comfortable in terms of dating situations - and usually when you do act smooth most girls tend to guess that you had a sister!

Sorry about your dad. Even at 10 it must've been hard to lose someone you're that close to. Working from home you must get a lot of time with your kids, which is awesome.

PS: On that note, have you read anything by Tony Parsons, 'Man and Boy' in particular :)


Fri Mar 13, 2009 4:38 pm
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Joined: Sun Jan 19, 2014 8:15 pm
Posts: 86
Post Re: Having/Not Having Kids
Personally looking on it now. Nobody knows nothing on raising kids.


Sat Feb 01, 2014 9:10 pm
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Joined: Thu Oct 11, 2012 12:07 pm
Posts: 377
Post Re: Having/Not Having Kids
I don't want kids and agree with abortion solely for the fact that I'm selfish and would much rather spend my money on myself (and don't want to take care of anyone but myself...and maybe a babe).

I know the money that my parents forked over for my brother and I, and it's astronomical...with food, clothes, school, field trips, sports, toys, supplies, cars, mistakes, and college. Ya, I'd much rather spend all of that on myself on a ferrarr, an awesome place at the beach with a nice fishing boat parked out back.


Sat Feb 01, 2014 9:59 pm
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