Discussion of movies and ReelThoughts topics

It is currently Thu Aug 21, 2014 5:03 am




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 37 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next
Dating and Relationships 
Author Message
Post Dating and Relationships
Using this lovely forum to vex some recent frustration, if you don't mind. Despite the title, this opening post really isn't what you would expect it to be about.

The moment I have been dreading for my entire life has just happened: my best friend might have finally found a steady girlfriend. Now, this statement, of course, seems rather laughable, but it makes more sense with proper context.

For the longest time, I've always been grounded in a deep friendship with three people. Two of the people have remained the same, my best friend and his sister. The other used to be my sister during my early childhood, only to be eventually replaced with my friend's stepsister in recent years. (for the record, I'm twenty years old) Friends from grade school have come and gone, some have stayed, but I've always kept a close connection with those three people. Many years ago, after being amused at one of the girls flirting with a boy, I came upon a dark realization: the three would eventually grow up, find a mate and find ourselves drifting away from each other. So, I should too, right?

Maybe. The stepsister, who was popular and bold, was the first to take the plunge with boyfriend after boyfriend. My prediction rang true with her, as I began to see her less and less. My best friend seemed to be the next to go, about a year after. He hooked up with a longtime friend, only to break up with her a week later much to my selfish delight. I was never a huge fan of the stepsister (although very attractive, she is somewhat petty, arrogant and worst of all, has a terrible taste in film ;)), so things seemed to be going my way. Until I found myself falling hopelessly in love with a classmate in my junior year of high school.

A cute redhead who has the sweetest blue eyes, she looked magnificent with an equally magnificently strange personality. She was nerdy, spunky and actually liked the terrible Christmas-themed play I wrote and directed. To think that my friends had to force me to ask her out to a dance seemed inexplicable just a month later after getting to know her better. Yet her strange personality that won me over turned out to be the same thing that would break my heart. A disastrous date to the school dance made worse by my nervousness had me begging her to give me a second chance. The answer I got still gives me chills. She only took my offer because she wanted to go to the dance, and had no intentions of ever dating me, or anyone else. Why? Because she doesn't like relationships. And yes, she is 100% straight. Four years later, from what I know she still remains happily single.

Despite the rejection, I was still hung up on her after a brief period of depression. I spent the next year and a half of high school trying to win her heart, only to receive a conversation from a good friend of her's telling me to give up on it. Looking back, obsessing over her is one of the worst decisions I have ever made. My tunnel-vision had me ignoring plenty of girls who were obviously making some attempt at flirting with me, hard as it is to believe. Regret will forever haunt me because of this.

My secondary school plan has always been to attend the local university (UNLV) for two years, then to attend an out-of-state film school. Since I lived at home, worked at a library, and took barely any film classes (only some screenwriting classes and basic film study ones), the ability to meet anyone remotely interesting in the last two years flew out the window. The object of my affection in high school was also there as a film major, which just deepened the wound.

Meanwhile, both my friend's sister and the stepsister gained very steady boyfriends who they will most likely marry. Since, as my prediction foretold, they have basically vanished. (in case anyone's wondering, my own sister is currently living in Brooklyn, in a steady relationship) It was just us two left. My best friend and I. And I knew, him, being far more socially adept and good-looking, would be the first to go. Only his ridiculously specific standards would hinder him until just recently. As soon as the second date was set, I found myself here in the position I imagined years ago. Although there's some very good timing to all of this, I can't help but feel deserted and lonely, wishing for my own relationship to blossom. As my friend's stepdad told me the other day, "You're next." Yeah, but when?

Some of you will immediately point me in the direction of an online dating service, but besides the outrageous registration fees on some, I would feel terrible at even trying it. In less than three months, I will find myself moving to another state to attend a California film school. Barely having maintained an actual relationship, I'd loathe to start my first one only to have to try the long-distance approach shortly afterward. There is some hope that I will find someone in my new state, as evidence as shown me. Connecting this post to the site, it seems that our own James found his first girlfriend only when he drifted away from his home and encountered dorm life. A good friend from high school who also attends my future film school got himself in a relationship only semesters after leaving home. Same goes for another school friend who left to attend ASU. Meanwhile, some friends from grade school who are attending the local colleges are still single. And although my best friends seem to obliterate this theory, I think it shows that abandoning your roots helps to force you to find other relationships.

So, while my search is still hopelessly continuing, discuss your own build-up to your first relationship, or your troubles if you remain single. Sorry if this post seemed rather personal, novel-like and rant-ish, but I felt like getting this off my chest without it being through a never-read blog or on a more snarkier and crueler message board. I think you guys are intelligent enough to understand my rather strange approach to the idea of dating and not laugh at and mock my story in the process. While on the surface it seems like I want a girlfriend just because my friends are in relationships like a jealous toddler, it's more of feeling of intense desire matched with loneliness. When I occasionally get to see these three people, it's often with their companions, and I burn for the happiness they seem to have together. The feeling of being the seventh wheel is the thing that makes everything all the more depressing.

Feel free to hand me advice, but I'd much rather hear your stories as well.


Mon Jun 15, 2009 7:14 am
Post Re: Dating and Relationships
Quote:
Looking back, obsessing over her is one of the worst decisions I have ever made. My tunnel-vision had me ignoring plenty of girls who were obviously making some attempt at flirting with me, hard as it is to believe.


Women (and men), are like computers or cell phones. When you think you´ve seen a great model, there´s another equally great model next page in the catalog, so there´s no point in obsessing over any woman. I hope you still have a chance with some of the women you ignored then.

I was sad when I broke up with my girlfriend of almost two years, but a couple months later I went out with someone who was far better than her. Although she didn´t become my girlfriend, it helped me realize there were many other women out there.


Mon Jun 15, 2009 11:43 pm
Cinematographer
User avatar

Joined: Sun Mar 01, 2009 9:17 pm
Posts: 529
Post Re: Dating and Relationships
I spent sophomore and most of junior year of high school single. Then I asked someone out for prom, and she became my girlfriend. We also went to senior prom, and broke up shortly afterwords. Throughout this year long relationship, there was little true intimacy and little interest. I knew from the very beginning that she wasn't very interesting, but she was fun to hang out with and I wanted a girlfriend. And therein lies my mistake.

I let myself fall prey to the stupid societal norm of having a girlfriend for the sake of having a girlfriend. It was not fulfilling at all, and I felt nothing when we broke up. There was no transition back to single life because I had been acting single the whole time. Don't do what I did. It's a waste of time. If you just want companionship, that's easier. Friends are easier to make, especially when you are going to a new place.

I know how you feel. That year and a half where I was single, I watched several of my other friends get their own girlfriends. It is awkward, and you know that things are different because of it. But that's life. Throughout all of this, I have learned that I don't really need a girlfriend, just someone to talk to.


Tue Jun 16, 2009 1:15 am
Profile
Post Re: Dating and Relationships
Ryan wrote:
My secondary school plan has always been to attend the local university (UNLV) for two years, then to attend an out-of-state film school. Since I lived at home, worked at a library, and took barely any film classes (only some screenwriting classes and basic film study ones), the ability to meet anyone remotely interesting in the last two years flew out the window.


Ryan, I admire you for baring your heart to a group of strangers in a way that I never could. All I can do is offer some advice (which I should take myself).

Don't use your lack of social opportunities as an excuse. A library is not a bad place to meet people. Strike up conversations with everyone. A girl is not out of your league just because she is more attractive. She's a human being just like you. Just don't put pressure on yourself on finding the one.


Tue Jun 16, 2009 12:20 pm
Post Re: Dating and Relationships
ed_metal_head wrote:
A library is not a bad place to meet people.


I'd beg to differ. The only time that anyone that I'd even consider striking up a conversation with (besides my own co-workers) is during early May, when college finals take place. To add insult to injury, myself and another coworker have been hit on by the female teen volunteers nearly every summer in a row. And when I mean teen, I mean under sixteen.

As you can see, I'm ready to get out of there.


Tue Jun 16, 2009 1:48 pm
Post Re: Dating and Relationships
im 19, just about to start college(dropped a year), moving the length of the country away, finally starting my "life", and i have a paralyzing fear that i'll die alone. and i know i will never act on it. i will always take chances, go my own path. the whole past year and a half ive been holed up in my home. that creates a wall unseen. i know when i start a daily routine, have something to go by, ill think differently. but that still doesn't stop me from occasionally thinking ill throw my life away.
i dont like people. i just dont. and they return the favor. i dont know.
[Reveal] Spoiler:
SSNNAAAARRRRRED!!!!!



guess which is the joke.


Tue Jun 16, 2009 1:57 pm
Post Re: Dating and Relationships
nathanmuir wrote:

Women (and men), are like computers or cell phones. When you think you´ve seen a great model, there´s another equally great model next page in the catalog, so there´s no point in obsessing over any woman. I hope you still have a chance with some of the women you ignored then.



Well, I defenitly dont agree with this, but what I can say is that if something didnt work out then she was not right for you. Just keep an open mind and an open heart and when the right person comes along it'll happen. I also beleive that to be happy with another person you have to be happy with yourself first, the positive relatonships I have had have been from meeting people when I was not looking, because I didnt need to be with someone, I chose to be with that person because of their personality.


Fri Jun 26, 2009 4:25 pm
Assistant Second Unit Director

Joined: Sun Jan 19, 2014 8:15 pm
Posts: 150
Post Re: Dating and Relationships
Trust me when i say the dating sites are really a complete joke. Everybody is on every single dating web site.


Fri Feb 07, 2014 4:53 pm
Profile
Assistant Director
User avatar

Joined: Sat Aug 04, 2012 5:43 pm
Posts: 773
Post Re: Dating and Relationships
Freakonomics just did a podcast on online dating: http://freakonomics.com/2014/02/06/what ... o-podcast/

Even if you're quickly bored by podcasts, that show or whatever it is that you don't like about Freakonomics, they lead into the episode with a funny story about the perils of honesty on an online dating site. I sort of assumed, long before that episode, that everything they said was exactly as they said it but it still was a pretty cool 30 minutes. They've done a couple of "yeah, well duh" episodes recently.

_________________
Which are you drinking? The water or the wave?


Fri Feb 07, 2014 5:08 pm
Profile
Auteur
User avatar

Joined: Sun Oct 07, 2012 12:02 pm
Posts: 3476
Location: Zion, IL
Post Re: Dating and Relationships
Big_Mike wrote:
Trust me when i say the dating sites are really a complete joke. Everybody is on every single dating web site.

No they're not a "joke" they've worked well for me.


Fri Feb 07, 2014 5:12 pm
Profile
Director
User avatar

Joined: Sun Nov 18, 2012 2:37 am
Posts: 1013
Location: Laurel, MD
Post Re: Dating and Relationships
Vexer wrote:
Big_Mike wrote:
Trust me when i say the dating sites are really a complete joke. Everybody is on every single dating web site.

No they're not a "joke" they've worked well for me.


Same here. I've had limited success with them, but they work.

_________________
https://www.facebook.com/ken.rossman.5


Fri Feb 07, 2014 5:29 pm
Profile
Second Unit Director

Joined: Thu Oct 11, 2012 12:07 pm
Posts: 377
Post Re: Dating and Relationships
Step 1: Download Tinder.

Step 2: Profit.


Fri Feb 07, 2014 6:55 pm
Profile
Assistant Director
User avatar

Joined: Sat Aug 04, 2012 5:43 pm
Posts: 773
Post Re: Dating and Relationships
this one fellow wrote:
Step 1: Download Tinder.

Step 2: Profit.


Yeah, more or less. It's just as arbitrary as any other app/site. Though if you're just looking to get your prick wet, any bar on earth at 3am is pretty much as effective. As is getting a retail job and just screwing your way through the ranks. Not even retail, shit. All that trouble: gotta buy the phone, gotta get a data plan, gotta download the app... has getting a strange rash gotten so difficult that we now need to use the latest technologies?

I feel bad for today's supposedly vag-hungry youth, really. They need the shoulders of giants, nothing less than software created by the better minds of generations past, in order to get the loft required to seal the deal. What does this say about their ability to interact with one another, form a bond long-lasting enough to work down the undergarments and boldly go where so many have boldly emptied their DNA? 30 billion people did it without the need to have a durable wi-fi connection but, with these kids today, you more or less render them sterile if Location Access is turned "Off".

In a way, this bodes well for those of you who aren't shackled to desperate tactics like 'Tinder', those of you who get a moment to negotiate the playing field without relying on the aid of some born-to-die startup in a dark corner of an Indiana University flophouse: the technology will eventually become passe, drying the penises of those who stood in your way merely by having software that was painfully, balls-itchingly up to date.

So, fuck it. Keep your damned Tinder: you're basically guaranteeing that the biggest maladroits of them all will be ejecting 23 chromosomes into the girl you thought was all into you. Guess what: she's fucking Bladerunner0846 now.

And life goes on. The lesson I was trying to impart (and I think I did a fantastic job) is: if online dating works for you, that's great. We all want lasting, meaningful relationships. And why? Is it a basic human need like oxygen, water and purple dish towels? Maybe. But, maybe, it's because we want to be able to write on a movie forum about any topic we like so we may read our posts to our children. I know I do that.

But if it's just some vagina you're looking to introduce your penis to, may you fare well. Because you'll need all the luck you can get. And eventually, when you're alone and lonely and Location Access is "Off", you'll write of your exploits on a movie forum where nobody, and I mean NOBODY, will understand why you're doing what you're doing on a forum of people who are far more skeptical of boasting about stuff that doesn't really have any importance.

So remember: every time you think "my phone just got me laid", you should also think "I'm going to be overweight and masturbating in NO TIME". Hell, it may have already happened.

My work here is done.

Also: that Freakonomics podcast is really great and shit so listen to it on your mobile phones while Location Access is turned to "Learn".

And: I heart PlentyofFish works but I'm pretty sure I heard it on that podcast.

_________________
Which are you drinking? The water or the wave?


Last edited by Mark III on Fri Feb 07, 2014 7:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.



Fri Feb 07, 2014 7:25 pm
Profile
Auteur
User avatar

Joined: Sun Oct 07, 2012 12:02 pm
Posts: 3476
Location: Zion, IL
Post Re: Dating and Relationships
WTF is Tinder?


Fri Feb 07, 2014 7:29 pm
Profile
Assistant Director
User avatar

Joined: Sat Aug 04, 2012 5:43 pm
Posts: 773
Post Re: Dating and Relationships
Vexer wrote:
WTF is Tinder?


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tinder_(app)

_________________
Which are you drinking? The water or the wave?


Fri Feb 07, 2014 7:39 pm
Profile
Producer
User avatar

Joined: Sun Oct 07, 2012 6:26 pm
Posts: 2157
Post Re: Dating and Relationships
Mark III wrote:
Though if you're just looking to get your prick wet, any bar on earth at 3am is pretty much as effective.

Where are these bars that are open until 3am?

_________________
The temptation is to like what you should like--not what you do like... another temptation is to come up with an interesting reason for liking it that may not actually be the reason you like it.


Fri Feb 07, 2014 8:35 pm
Profile
Director
User avatar

Joined: Sun Nov 18, 2012 2:37 am
Posts: 1013
Location: Laurel, MD
Post Re: Dating and Relationships
Ken wrote:
Mark III wrote:
Though if you're just looking to get your prick wet, any bar on earth at 3am is pretty much as effective.

Where are these bars that are open until 3am?


NYC bars stay open until 4 am

_________________
https://www.facebook.com/ken.rossman.5


Fri Feb 07, 2014 8:46 pm
Profile
Second Unit Director

Joined: Sun Dec 16, 2012 12:14 am
Posts: 296
Post Re: Dating and Relationships
Ken wrote:
Mark III wrote:
Though if you're just looking to get your prick wet, any bar on earth at 3am is pretty much as effective.

Where are these bars that are open until 3am?


Move to another city, Ken. There are 24-hour bars in New Orleans, I'm pretty sure last call in New York is 3am, maybe in Philly too (but don't quote me on the latter).


Fri Feb 07, 2014 8:48 pm
Profile
Cinematographer

Joined: Sun Oct 07, 2012 8:09 pm
Posts: 724
Post Re: Dating and Relationships
Mark III wrote:
this one fellow wrote:
Step 1: Download Tinder.

Step 2: Profit.


Yeah, more or less. It's just as arbitrary as any other app/site. Though if you're just looking to get your prick wet, any bar on earth at 3am is pretty much as effective. As is getting a retail job and just screwing your way through the ranks. Not even retail, shit. All that trouble: gotta buy the phone, gotta get a data plan, gotta download the app... has getting a strange rash gotten so difficult that we now need to use the latest technologies?

I feel bad for today's supposedly vag-hungry youth, really. They need the shoulders of giants, nothing less than software created by the better minds of generations past, in order to get the loft required to seal the deal. What does this say about their ability to interact with one another, form a bond long-lasting enough to work down the undergarments and boldly go where so many have boldly emptied their DNA? 30 billion people did it without the need to have a durable wi-fi connection but, with these kids today, you more or less render them sterile if Location Access is turned "Off".

In a way, this bodes well for those of you who aren't shackled to desperate tactics like 'Tinder', those of you who get a moment to negotiate the playing field without relying on the aid of some born-to-die startup in a dark corner of an Indiana University flophouse: the technology will eventually become passe, drying the penises of those who stood in your way merely by having software that was painfully, balls-itchingly up to date.

So, fuck it. Keep your damned Tinder: you're basically guaranteeing that the biggest maladroits of them all will be ejecting 23 chromosomes into the girl you thought was all into you. Guess what: she's fucking Bladerunner0846 now.

And life goes on. The lesson I was trying to impart (and I think I did a fantastic job) is: if online dating works for you, that's great. We all want lasting, meaningful relationships. And why? Is it a basic human need like oxygen, water and purple dish towels? Maybe. But, maybe, it's because we want to be able to write on a movie forum about any topic we like so we may read our posts to our children. I know I do that.

But if it's just some vagina you're looking to introduce your penis to, may you fare well. Because you'll need all the luck you can get. And eventually, when you're alone and lonely and Location Access is "Off", you'll write of your exploits on a movie forum where nobody, and I mean NOBODY, will understand why you're doing what you're doing on a forum of people who are far more skeptical of boasting about stuff that doesn't really have any importance.

So remember: every time you think "my phone just got me laid", you should also think "I'm going to be overweight and masturbating in NO TIME". Hell, it may have already happened.

My work here is done.

Also: that Freakonomics podcast is really great and shit so listen to it on your mobile phones while Location Access is turned to "Learn".

And: I heart PlentyofFish works but I'm pretty sure I heard it on that podcast.


Welp, that was amazing. A sincere thanks for that.


Fri Feb 07, 2014 8:49 pm
Profile
Second Unit Director

Joined: Sun Dec 16, 2012 12:14 am
Posts: 296
Post Re: Dating and Relationships
roastbeef_ajus wrote:
Step 1: Download Tinder.

Step 2: Profit.


Meme fail. Sigh...


Fri Feb 07, 2014 8:50 pm
Profile
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 37 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group.
Designed by Vjacheslav Trushkin for Free Forum/DivisionCore.
Translated by Xaphos © 2007, 2008, 2009 phpBB.fr