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Major Mark Aphasia 
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Post Major Mark Aphasia
I was bumping a few threads in OD and I noticed his profile is blank/non-existent.



Where he be?


Tue Sep 27, 2011 11:29 pm
Post Re: Major Mark Aphasia
I noticed that too, now i'm afraid he'll never finish reviewing those exploitation films :cry:


Wed Sep 28, 2011 12:06 am
Post Re: Major Mark Aphasia
I guess he was just done. I miss his voice on the forum, if anybody knew what they were talking about it was him.

I'm still waiting for (hopefully) the return of Rob, as well.


Wed Sep 28, 2011 1:03 am
Post Re: Major Mark Aphasia
NO, HE SHALL RETURN, THIS I DECREE


Wed Sep 28, 2011 3:17 am
Post Re: Major Mark Aphasia
Very long story short:

-Mark changed his e-mail account on the board.
-It marked his account inactive
-JB, confused, deleted his account.
-Ed PM'd about this and I PM'd JB about it which is how I know the above.
-Ed e-mailed Mark about it and he kinda freaked out.
-The major account is gone forever.
-Mark will return when he has time since he still has two small kids to contend with.

Ed can fill in the blanks a lot better than I can.


Thanks.


Wed Sep 28, 2011 6:11 am
Post Re: Major Mark Aphasia
Patrick wrote:
Very long story short:
Nonsense.

Majoraphasia has left civilization to live in the forest. He has built what he refers to as a cabin, which is really a small bundle of sticks and twigs that he leans up against a large rock face, when it occurs to him to do so. He has grown a beard that spans the full length of his body. He uses it to transport small birds and food he has scavenged, and to warm his testicles on colder nights.

In the mornings, he stands knee-deep in a flowing stream. He does not fish, so much as allow fish to jump into his mouth, which he swallows alive. This is in keeping with his lifelong philosophy: "Fish are stupid."

During the day, he walks great distances with heavy weights on his shoulders. He conditions his fists by punching himself in the skull, which is hard as tempered steel. He engages the forest animals in unarmed combat, and those that survive earn the privilege of partying with him in the twilight hours. They drink an alcoholic beverage he brews himself in a mixture of deer turds and his own urine. He refers to this beverage as the Divine Comedy.

In the night, he writes on parchment he makes himself with pens that he stockpiled after years of smuggling office supplies home from his job. He tells himself that this will one day become a memoir of the days he spent hardening his mind and body to become the Earth's greatest champion, but he knows in his heart that no literary agent will want a long, incohesive screed written mostly in a language invented from scribbles and crude reproductions of the Van Halen logo.

In one year's time, when the Earth is in danger and our greatest heroes have fallen by the wayside, Majoraphasia will return. Pray for the souls of those who make themselves his enemy, for they will not stand for long in front of his fists or his body odor.


Wed Sep 28, 2011 9:27 am
Post Re: Major Mark Aphasia
Ken wrote:
Nonsense.

Majoraphasia has left civilization to live in the forest. He has built what he refers to as a cabin, which is really a small bundle of sticks and twigs that he leans up against a large rock face, when it occurs to him to do so. He has grown a beard that spans the full length of his body. He uses it to transport small birds and food he has scavenged, and to warm his testicles on colder nights.

In the mornings, he stands knee-deep in a flowing stream. He does not fish, so much as allow fish to jump into his mouth, which he swallows alive. This is in keeping with his lifelong philosophy: "Fish are stupid."

During the day, he walks great distances with heavy weights on his shoulders. He conditions his fists by punching himself in the skull, which is hard as tempered steel. He engages the forest animals in unarmed combat, and those that survive earn the privilege of partying with him in the twilight hours. They drink an alcoholic beverage he brews himself in a mixture of deer turds and his own urine. He refers to this beverage as the Divine Comedy.

In the night, he writes on parchment he makes himself with pens that he stockpiled after years of smuggling office supplies home from his job. He tells himself that this will one day become a memoir of the days he spent hardening his mind and body to become the Earth's greatest champion, but he knows in his heart that no literary agent will want a long, incohesive screed written mostly in a language invented from scribbles and crude reproductions of the Van Halen logo.

In one year's time, when the Earth is in danger and our greatest heroes have fallen by the wayside, Majoraphasia will return. Pray for the souls of those who make themselves his enemy, for they will not stand for long in front of his fists or his body odor.


I'm choosing to believe Ken over Patrick in this instance.


Wed Sep 28, 2011 10:40 am
Post Re: Major Mark Aphasia
Patrick wrote:
Very long story short:

-Mark changed his e-mail account on the board.
-It marked his account inactive
-JB, confused, deleted his account.
-Ed PM'd about this and I PM'd JB about it which is how I know the above.
-Ed e-mailed Mark about it and he kinda freaked out.
-The major account is gone forever.
-Mark will return when he has time since he still has two small kids to contend with.

Ed can fill in the blanks a lot better than I can.


Thanks.


That's a pretty good summary. I can't think of too much else to add. No-one freaked out though.

Also: "Thanks"? Is this a new, kinder and gentler version of Patrick?

PeachyPete wrote:
Ken wrote:
Nonsense.

Majoraphasia has left civilization to live in the forest. He has built what he refers to as a cabin, which is really a small bundle of sticks and twigs that he leans up against a large rock face, when it occurs to him to do so. He has grown a beard that spans the full length of his body. He uses it to transport small birds and food he has scavenged, and to warm his testicles on colder nights.

In the mornings, he stands knee-deep in a flowing stream. He does not fish, so much as allow fish to jump into his mouth, which he swallows alive. This is in keeping with his lifelong philosophy: "Fish are stupid."

During the day, he walks great distances with heavy weights on his shoulders. He conditions his fists by punching himself in the skull, which is hard as tempered steel. He engages the forest animals in unarmed combat, and those that survive earn the privilege of partying with him in the twilight hours. They drink an alcoholic beverage he brews himself in a mixture of deer turds and his own urine. He refers to this beverage as the Divine Comedy.

In the night, he writes on parchment he makes himself with pens that he stockpiled after years of smuggling office supplies home from his job. He tells himself that this will one day become a memoir of the days he spent hardening his mind and body to become the Earth's greatest champion, but he knows in his heart that no literary agent will want a long, incohesive screed written mostly in a language invented from scribbles and crude reproductions of the Van Halen logo.

In one year's time, when the Earth is in danger and our greatest heroes have fallen by the wayside, Majoraphasia will return. Pray for the souls of those who make themselves his enemy, for they will not stand for long in front of his fists or his body odor.


I'm choosing to believe Ken over Patrick in this instance.


Don't believe Ken's misdirection! There's a missing link in all of this and I strongly suspect that Ken is somehow responsible. He has probably created this entirely plausible counter-story in order to deflect attention away from himself.


Wed Sep 28, 2011 12:22 pm
Post Re: Major Mark Aphasia
Ken wrote:
Patrick wrote:
Very long story short:
Nonsense.

Majoraphasia has left civilization to live in the forest. He has built what he refers to as a cabin, which is really a small bundle of sticks and twigs that he leans up against a large rock face, when it occurs to him to do so. He has grown a beard that spans the full length of his body. He uses it to transport small birds and food he has scavenged, and to warm his testicles on colder nights.

In the mornings, he stands knee-deep in a flowing stream. He does not fish, so much as allow fish to jump into his mouth, which he swallows alive. This is in keeping with his lifelong philosophy: "Fish are stupid."

During the day, he walks great distances with heavy weights on his shoulders. He conditions his fists by punching himself in the skull, which is hard as tempered steel. He engages the forest animals in unarmed combat, and those that survive earn the privilege of partying with him in the twilight hours. They drink an alcoholic beverage he brews himself in a mixture of deer turds and his own urine. He refers to this beverage as the Divine Comedy.

In the night, he writes on parchment he makes himself with pens that he stockpiled after years of smuggling office supplies home from his job. He tells himself that this will one day become a memoir of the days he spent hardening his mind and body to become the Earth's greatest champion, but he knows in his heart that no literary agent will want a long, incohesive screed written mostly in a language invented from scribbles and crude reproductions of the Van Halen logo.

In one year's time, when the Earth is in danger and our greatest heroes have fallen by the wayside, Majoraphasia will return. Pray for the souls of those who make themselves his enemy, for they will not stand for long in front of his fists or his body odor.


I don't believe that he could grow a full-body beard in that short of a time. Although the rest seems plausible, I call BS on the epic-beard.


Wed Sep 28, 2011 3:15 pm
Post Re: Major Mark Aphasia
ed_metal_head wrote:
That's a pretty good summary. I can't think of too much else to add. No-one freaked out though.

Also: "Thanks"? Is this a new, kinder and gentler version of Patrick?


I was just turning on work-mode. Don't think I'll be kinder and gentler.

PeachyPete wrote:
Ken wrote:
Nonsense.

Majoraphasia has left civilization to live in the forest. He has built what he refers to as a cabin, which is really a small bundle of sticks and twigs that he leans up against a large rock face, when it occurs to him to do so. He has grown a beard that spans the full length of his body. He uses it to transport small birds and food he has scavenged, and to warm his testicles on colder nights.

In the mornings, he stands knee-deep in a flowing stream. He does not fish, so much as allow fish to jump into his mouth, which he swallows alive. This is in keeping with his lifelong philosophy: "Fish are stupid."

During the day, he walks great distances with heavy weights on his shoulders. He conditions his fists by punching himself in the skull, which is hard as tempered steel. He engages the forest animals in unarmed combat, and those that survive earn the privilege of partying with him in the twilight hours. They drink an alcoholic beverage he brews himself in a mixture of deer turds and his own urine. He refers to this beverage as the Divine Comedy.

In the night, he writes on parchment he makes himself with pens that he stockpiled after years of smuggling office supplies home from his job. He tells himself that this will one day become a memoir of the days he spent hardening his mind and body to become the Earth's greatest champion, but he knows in his heart that no literary agent will want a long, incohesive screed written mostly in a language invented from scribbles and crude reproductions of the Van Halen logo.

In one year's time, when the Earth is in danger and our greatest heroes have fallen by the wayside, Majoraphasia will return. Pray for the souls of those who make themselves his enemy, for they will not stand for long in front of his fists or his body odor.


I'm choosing to believe Ken over Patrick in this instance.


Me too.


Wed Sep 28, 2011 4:36 pm
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Post Re: Major Mark Aphasia
Actually he ran away with me and we had a wonderful, whirlwind affair on the beaches of Southern France. Feeding each other strawberries was definitely involved. As was candlelight.

But then it ended. I'll spare the details, but I'll mention that he went out like Marlon Brando in Last Tango.

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Wed Sep 28, 2011 5:49 pm
Profile
Post Re: Major Mark Aphasia
JamesKunz wrote:
Actually he ran away with me and we had a wonderful, whirlwind affair on the beaches of Southern France. Feeding each other strawberries was definitely involved. As was candlelight.

But then it ended. I'll spare the details, but I'll mention that he went out like Marlon Brando in Last Tango.


So I'm guessing Mark's wife wasn't the only one on their back clutching a man's hand and screaming this summer?


Wed Sep 28, 2011 7:02 pm
Post Re: Major Mark Aphasia
Evenflow8112 wrote:
JamesKunz wrote:
Actually he ran away with me and we had a wonderful, whirlwind affair on the beaches of Southern France. Feeding each other strawberries was definitely involved. As was candlelight.

But then it ended. I'll spare the details, but I'll mention that he went out like Marlon Brando in Last Tango.


So I'm guessing Mark's wife wasn't the only one on their back clutching a man's hand and screaming this summer?


My only question is which of them went for the butter.


Fri Sep 30, 2011 11:07 pm
Post Re: Major Mark Aphasia
ed_metal_head wrote:
Evenflow8112 wrote:
So I'm guessing Mark's wife wasn't the only one on their back clutching a man's hand and screaming this summer?


My only question is which of them went for the butter.


James.


Sat Oct 01, 2011 12:38 am
Post Re: Major Mark Aphasia
This thread has done wonders for my ego! That and the cocaine I just snorted off that hooker's throat!

-

The story is simple: changed email, got deleted. Re-registered. My posts appear to be intact. Hooray! But I'm now a junior-level member. Booray!

I'd comment more but I have things to do, hookers to bury. Ken's post reminded me of something I'd write if I snorted cocaine off a hooker's throat. He's an addict, obviously. Also: loves hooker throat. Loves it.

Now it's time for more fun and games in the forum. Just you wait. Can't wait to see what my avatar will be? Neither can I.


Tue Oct 04, 2011 12:42 am
Post Re: Major Mark Aphasia
Major Aphasia wrote:
This thread has done wonders for my ego! That and the cocaine I just snorted off that hooker's throat!

-

The story is simple: changed email, got deleted. Re-registered. My posts appear to be intact. Hooray! But I'm now a junior-level member. Booray!

I'd comment more but I have things to do, hookers to bury. Ken's post reminded me of something I'd write if I snorted cocaine off a hooker's throat. He's an addict, obviously. Also: loves hooker throat. Loves it.

Now it's time for more fun and games in the forum. Just you wait. Can't wait to see what my avatar will be? Neither can I.

I'm scared. :shock:


Tue Oct 04, 2011 2:50 pm
Post Re: Major Mark Aphasia
Im not sure which line i like better so im gonna post two..

SOILENT GREEN IS APHASIA!!!

He was a cylon all along (but didnt know it)


Tue Oct 04, 2011 9:10 pm
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