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Tech Support Humor 
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Joined: Mon Apr 06, 2009 5:07 pm
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Post Tech Support Humor
I used to work at a computer tech support company. Paid good money and the job was easy to do. In fact it was there that I got the idea to become a director. There's a lot of absurdity in a place like that. Here are some first-hand examples (and no I'm not making any of tthese up.)

* I take a call from a woman who wants to know what we're doing about Spam (Junk e-mail). I ask if her spam filter is turned on (as I did for the last caller who complained about Spam) and then offer a few suggestions on how to deal with spam. I tell her the blunt truth: that Spam can be limited but not totally stopped. She then says that she's called the police and had them look at the spam because she's convinced that the spam is full of coded messages from terrorists. She asks if I could notify anyone of the potential danger. So here I am listening to lady nutcase and hitting the mute button on my phone to keep her from hearing me crack up. I finally explain to her that I will pass her concern on to the appropriate department and end the call (although for a while I thought I might have to actually get George W Bush himself on the phone to end the call). Upon ending said call, I leave the following note on the account: "Customer called in, claiming that Spam mail was from terrorists. Advised customer that I would pass this information on to the appropriate dept and to use the Spam filter".

*Customer: (Amidst bits of Unintelligible verbiage) What's an IP?
Jeff: (After explaining and after the caller does an IPCONFIG and discovers the IP to be valid) Okay how many lights are on on the modem?
Customer: (Unintelligible Verbiage) Modem? Is that the thing that I look at when I use the computer (More unintelligible verbiage)
Jeff: No. That's the monitor
Customer: (Unintelligible verbiage) My...boyfriend set up the computer...Maybe I better have him...call you.

At times I wonder what these callers must sound like in the McDonald's drive-through.

"Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?" "(Unintelligible verbiage) I would like a...Whopper and a large onion rings...(unintelligible verbiage)" "Hey wait a minute. I can't understand you! I'm supposed to be the one you can't understand! I'm going to have to ask you to leave! And by the way, you want to go to Burger King. This is McDonald's!" "(Unintelligible verbiage) Where me whopper? (Unintelligible verbiage)"

*A guy calls in and says he originally called to schedule a technician to come to his house and look at his modem to see why he couldn't connect. Now he needs to cancel the appointment. The reason why? The modem now works. Why didn't it work before? He forgot to plug it in.

*So a customer calls in and wants to know how he can delete the evidence of websites he visited. According to him he's at work and went to a website he wasn't supposed to go to. Now he wants to erase the evidence. I mention this call out loud and another co-worker tells me he got a similar call. People who go to restricted websites yet don't know how to clear out their browser history deserve what they get.

*Customer calls in and begins his question by saying. "Okay I know this is a completely ridiculous question. But what do I need to run a computer in my house?" (Sound of me hitting the mute button and repeating that question to some co-workers. Next sound is the sound of all of us cracking up. All the while the customer is going "Hello hello".) I wait until we all get our laughter under control then I take the phone off mute and inform the customer that all he needs is an electrical outlet. I then tell him there are different ways he can connect to the Internet and he might need a phone line depending on the type of ISP (Cable or DSL) he decides to get. Customer informs me I've "been a big help" and ends the call. Had he not hung up so fast I would've told him: "You will also need a chair to sit in, a desk to put the computer on, a light in case you decide to use the computer after the sun goes down and maybe a router if you have more than one computer and want to set up a wireless network. Oh and one more thing. You will also need what the Scarecrow in the Wizard Of Oz was after: A BRAIN!"

*Took a call from a customer who was irritated that he had to call us. The reason for his irritation? By calling us, he had to miss the Jerry Springer Show.

This ain't a city council meeting you know-Joe Cabot

Cinema is a matter of what's in the frame and what's out-Martin Scorsese.


Wed Apr 13, 2011 2:00 pm
Post Re: Tech Support Humor
Wow, and I thought I was ignorant about computers! :lol:

Wed Apr 13, 2011 2:09 pm
Post Re: Tech Support Humor
There's always Notalwaysright.com and there's a web-comic called User Friendly that every so often deals with tech support.

Wed Apr 13, 2011 5:07 pm
Post Re: Tech Support Humor
Instead of going sweet to salty, I'll start off by saying that, of all the people you mentioned above, the second to last guy deserved the least slack. Still, I understand the instinct to laugh at his n00bishness; after all, almost 85% of all people who tried to get into the precious few bands my best friend and I have created have sometimes literally (literally) forced me to look in the other direction while having a conversation with them to hide my laughter. One of the people who auditioned for lead singer for Horror Flix (a rap-rock outfit) literally brought his skinny white friend to audition as the lead rapper; his friend proceeded to spit out some awful, pathetic rhymes, and then seemed to have a seizure in mid-sentence as he thanked me for hearing him out. And the kicker? The lead singer would only join if his friend was included. I've also had would-be bandmates call the cops on each other mid-practice, guitarists who smoked base for 50 of the 60 minutes we would allot for practice, and a guy who thought he was Aaron Lewis' spiritual son. So, I get it. The guy was probably just wording his sentence poorly or had next to no experience with technology. Meh. Fair enough. It's not like many of us become good at what we do by winning a hobby championship. It's just repetition and dedication.

Now, for the sweet:

BAHAHAHAHA. Terrorist lady. Hahaha. Oh, Lord God, praise of thee. Tell me somebody in your office recorded this gem. I'll pay a good sum :) It's amazing what some people will imagine these days.

Wed Apr 13, 2011 5:31 pm
Post Re: Tech Support Humor
I had a woman ring me at work as the PC game she brought would not play. After a quick disscussion i learned...

The game had not been installed.

The disk was not even in the drive.

The game was still sealed in the box on her counter.

She was under the impression that once you brought software your PC "just knew" you had brought it and the programme would be in your computer ready to go.

Wed Apr 13, 2011 6:04 pm
Post Re: Tech Support Humor
I used to work in a call centre for It support for home users.
We had a free call support telephone number and becuase of this company would have about 3000 - 4000 calls aday.
sometimes we would have a queue for over an hour.
The calls I most remeber was when a person queued for 1 hour becuase her pc would not turn on.
She had turned on the monitor and had assumed that that was it.
she was very angry when she got onto the phon eand litterelly yelled for 1 - 2 minutes.
After I calmed her down and explained that there is a seperate button for the tower, I had 10 seconds of pur silence when the user realised her misstake and promptly started giving out about tyhe fact this had not been explained to her.
I refered her to the detailed instructions in her manual ( which she had read up to the point at which it said turn on monitor and had decied to stop) Again i had silence for 5 seconds where she priomtly hung up.

Mon Apr 18, 2011 10:08 am
Post Re: Tech Support Humor
I do tech support from neighbors and friends. From a selfish perspective I try and get them to switch to Mac as I then know that I won't be asked anything after the first few weeks


Mon Apr 18, 2011 12:39 pm
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