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Girls - when in your 30s 
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Post Girls - when in your 30s
I've never been overly burdened with attention from women. I'm not completely unfortunate looking by any means and I've been with my wife for 11 years, so I rarely think about it either way.

But something weird is happening. I'm starting to get almost overt attention from females in a way that would have been impossible 10 years ago. I can think of half a dozen specific instances in the last 2 or 3 months that I've led me to question what the hell is going on. Including -

A gorgeous 19 year old barmaid in our local pub who'd I'd have sacrificed a virgin for 10 years ago
A very attractive 40 year old work colleague
A beautiful, beautiful single Mum from the morning school run, who if I was single I'd propose to tomorrow


I'm NOT saying this to brag or RoastBEEF myself up at all! I'm no George Clooney by a long shot! But an older mate of mine who's now 42 did tell me about this.

He said, even if you think your luck was shit in your 20s, just stick to the task. It's no good to me now, but I want to pass it on in case there's any single 20 something reading this who thinks he'll never be happy:


Quote:
- Get an education, not just formally but also read widely in your spare time so you can make conversation about anything

- Forge a career. Specialise in something and become damn good at it

- Stay healthy, don't smoke

- Keep active. Climb mountains, play tennis, whatever your thing is. It gives your physical confidence

- Don't get into loads of debt chasing expensive cars you can't afford and the like. That will come when you get older

- Don't chase girls who think they're better than you. You're wasting your time, and in 10 years the roles will be reversed. You'll be a well-adjusted 35 year old man, she'll be trying to compete with girls 15 years younger than her

- Don't ever, EVER take rejection personally. It's perfectly normal and common to be rejected by an average girl but then land a stunning one.

- Stick to all these and you'll be like gold dust by the time you're in your mid 30s


I paraphrase a bit, and at the time, about 10 years ago, I thought he was taking the piss slightly. But I'm starting to see that he was right. Dead right.

So if you're a 20-something guy who's down on his luck, DO NOT DESPAIR!!!

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Fri Nov 21, 2014 5:59 am
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Post Re: Girls - when in your 30s
Married a gal 9 years younger than I am when 36. I most certainly lost much of my youthful attractiveness by then (balding and excess weight), but as you said there was much more attention from the young ladies when in my 30's than there was in my 20's. Don't know why and never really questioned it, but it is as you say.


Fri Nov 21, 2014 10:04 am
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Post Re: Girls - when in your 30s
Maleness is a progressive condition. As my eyes opened to this I noticed that qualities that are non-existent in 20-somethings are guaranteed among those just a decade along. Being older is more attractive: better earning potential, more assumed wisdom and experience, less tunnel vision.

So many 20-somethings might as well be wearing helmets 24/7, so single-minded and silly are they. Attitude is less attractive than actual confidence, strong opinions are not forever confused for intellectual rigor. Established older guys are less likely to advertise than an equally hormonal idiot ten years junior. It's actually a problem: with the pool so sad, there is more than just temptation around every desk chair.

There's also, hopefully, less desperacy for idealized romance among the older set. This is both great and terrible.

NHG's quote offers some nice tips that I would have completely ignored at 24 and will be completely ignored by most of the intended audience. They can't be blamed for this. After all, some of them should be wearing a helmet. Not all. Maybe not you.

I don't get a sinking feeling when interacting with those who are in college or recently graduated because I'm fortunate enough to know some good people of that age. But know this, kids: those of us in our 30s and up have the great benefit of knowing that stakes are low enough that some women see this as confidence and security.

Also: don't date women who are like open books, confessing all their flaws and struggles to anyone with eyes and/or ears. You don't want a hostage, you want a girlfriend. I wish someone had slapped that into at 22 or so because I made myself ill dating the Ladies of Low Self Worth. Of course, that really only says something about me.

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Fri Nov 21, 2014 10:41 am
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Post Re: Girls - when in your 30s
Hugh, A LOT of women find married men incredibly attractive because it shows you can commit. Years ago, I knew some single guys who put on a wedding ring before they went out to bars, it was crazy, there were women who there with other guys who just flocked to them.

also, one of my co-workers was widowed a few years ago. it seems like pretty much the second he mentions that to any woman(even those half his age) they are all over him.


Fri Nov 21, 2014 1:08 pm
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Post Re: Girls - when in your 30s
calvero wrote:
Hugh, A LOT of women find married men incredibly attractive because it shows you can commit. Years ago, I knew some single guys who put on a wedding ring before they went out to bars, it was crazy, there were women who there with other guys who just flocked to them.

also, one of my co-workers was widowed a few years ago. it seems like pretty much the second he mentions that to any woman(even those half his age) they are all over him.


My mate started having more success online when he mentioned he was divorced with kids.

I don't think it's marriage, but what it implies. You have a working penis (helpful), and are most likely solvent, maybe own real estate. It's all a game





In response to Mark and Casual -

I think information like above is destined to be ignored, as correct as it actually is.

I suppose passing it on is a bit like trying to cheat time somehow. It's related to the Grandfather paradox.

It makes me laugh and cringe, whenever I'm in a local pub of mine (which isn't too often), I see the young lads preparing to hunt, and hunt in vain. Unless one is in the statistically insignificant minority that is incredibly handsome, fantastically rich, or some kind of child/adolescent celebrity, then as sure as Monday follows Sunday, your libido will be miserably at odds with your actual success rate.

I occasionally think back to 2003, my "freedom era". In my mind's eye I was shagging a different girls every other day, but the cold statistical reality was different.Say 6 girls in year. But I was out on the hunt 3 times a week for 12 months, which gives me a sub-3% success rate. I don't like those odds, not one bit.

And I was a sucker. A massive, massive sucker. Girls know how to destroy desperate young men. It's in their DNA. And do you know what, that's a good thing. We needed destroying. We deserved it.

3 Wednesdays ago, after attending a firework display at my Daughter's school, I sloped off to my local boozer for a couple cheeky pints. I was watching a football (sorry, soccer) match and reading my Kindle (yes I take it to the pub, I know). There were 2 lads and 2 girls sat across from me. All about 18 I would guess. Anyway, 2 of the them were a couple. And the other 2 - well it was like watching teeth being pulled out with pliers and finger nails being lifted up with bamboo shoots.

The lad was desperately, desperately in love with the girl. By the time an hour had passed he was pissed off 2 pints of beer and almost pouring over her. She, completely sober, and very attractive, was completely in control and just prolonging his agony. She'd talk to other blokes in the pub including me. She basically disembowelled him.

The worst thing was, the 2 girls went off to play pool, and the tortured of the 2 lads was almost in tears to his mate saying how only 2 weeks earlier she'd kissed him at some party, and he didn't know what the hell was going on.

I had to intervene, I just lent over and said, "listen, don't fucking do this to yourself. You'll be suicidal by Christmas. She doesn't give a shit abut you". I was probably 4 pints in and therefore feeling a bit intrusive. But it felt charitable. His mate was smiling nodding his head at me, whilst said victim looked at me like I was a fucking alien.

No mate, I'm just you, 15 years from now.

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Last edited by NotHughGrant on Fri Nov 21, 2014 1:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.



Fri Nov 21, 2014 1:09 pm
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Post Re: Girls - when in your 30s
Most of the people I know my age, whether facebook friends or actual friends, are in a serious relationship. Not sure if that's more common for my age group now than it was 10 years ago. So many people my age getting married as well. I was typically "on the hunt" in college for our frat parties. It was fun, and I had my share of successes and failures. I never thought I would end up in a relationship so soon, but lo and behold I've been in one for 2 years and I'm not even 24. Several of my old frat bros have been in relationships for 5 years or more. I know a few that ended after 4-5 years, but even so, seems like people I know are all about the long-term stuff. Maybe not lifetime commitments, but several years at least. I don't think I know anyone right now who actively seeks one-night stands.


Fri Nov 21, 2014 9:40 pm
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Post Re: Girls - when in your 30s
MGamesCook wrote:
Most of the people I know my age, whether facebook friends or actual friends, are in a serious relationship. Not sure if that's more common for my age group now than it was 10 years ago. So many people my age getting married as well. I was typically "on the hunt" in college for our frat parties. It was fun, and I had my share of successes and failures. I never thought I would end up in a relationship so soon, but lo and behold I've been in one for 2 years and I'm not even 24. Several of my old frat bros have been in relationships for 5 years or more. I know a few that ended after 4-5 years, but even so, seems like people I know are all about the long-term stuff. Maybe not lifetime commitments, but several years at least. I don't think I know anyone right now who actively seeks one-night stands.


I do. Like you, most of my friends are married, getting married, or in serious relationships (I'm 27) but I still have a few single bros like me left. I've always liked being a playboy, but I figured I would give a realtionship another shot (I've only had one serious relationship that lasted 2 years in college, but it ended). So this summer, I met this absolute dime. A week after taking her on a couple of dates, she invites me to the beach for a week, everything paid for by her parents (they put us up in a sweet in Rosemary Beach. Keep in mind, I've never done anything this quick with a girl. Despite not knowing her, we both get a long great, and never even have an argument...great weather, great food, great times (and great sex). Well, after we get back, she invites me to her parents house the next week (now things are moving suuuupppper fast...ludacris speed fast). Well, I show up to take her to a braves game (her family lives in Sandy Springs, just north of atlanta).

You know how you are always supposed to marry a rich girl if you can? Well when I show up my draw drops looking at a 3 story castle that belongs in Southern Living Magazine, her dad collects classic porsches, and her next door neighbor is Julius Erving...Jesus. It turns out they also own a house in Vail (I love snowboarding), a house on captiva, island FL (I love to fish), and he's a member of the atlanta athletic club (one of the premier golf clubs in the country, and I love to golf).

Ok, I know it looks like I'm bragging, but I'm thinking...I just hit the jackpot. Despite having all of this, her parents seemed down to earth, and she has no brothers, only a little sister. I might as well go ahead and buy the ring.

Well two months go by, and I realize this is the most needy, self absorbed, stuck up girl that I've ever tried to be with. She was always nice to me, and caring, but damn...most of my friends didn't like her. I also couldn't carry on a conversation with her (after the honeymoon phase). We literally had nothing in common besides we both thought each other was attractive...she didn't even read or watch movies...I think all she did was shop with her dad's card.

Anyway, I just couldn't deal with it anymore and ended things recently. She was head over heals for me as well, and I bet I could have stuck it out and really have seen where things were going...but I only would have been doing it for selfish reasons. Even though it was A LOT of money...I would have been miserable.

Finally, circling back to where I began, this little experience made me realize I'm perfectly happy being a bachelor. Picking up a girl with no commitment is still satisfying for me (and I guess the girl too if she's up for a one night stand as well). I also have all the free time in the world (when I'm not working or pursuing another degree)...if I want to go golfing, or take off to Vegas, or go visit a friend in New York or Nashville, I can. I don't have to worry about another person. And honestly, when I go to two more weddings next month after the 3 I've been to this year, I don't feel lonely...I feel pretty good.


Sat Nov 22, 2014 8:33 am
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Post Re: Girls - when in your 30s
Fair play for sticking to your principles!

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Sun Nov 23, 2014 2:46 pm
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Post Re: Girls - when in your 30s
I personally like women that are not shy about sharing their flaws, as I have a tendency to do that myself, I don't think that make them a hostage just for doing that.


Sat Nov 29, 2014 2:56 pm
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Post Re: Girls - when in your 30s
MGamesCook wrote:
Most of the people I know my age, whether facebook friends or actual friends, are in a serious relationship. Not sure if that's more common for my age group now than it was 10 years ago. So many people my age getting married as well. I was typically "on the hunt" in college for our frat parties. It was fun, and I had my share of successes and failures. I never thought I would end up in a relationship so soon, but lo and behold I've been in one for 2 years and I'm not even 24. Several of my old frat bros have been in relationships for 5 years or more. I know a few that ended after 4-5 years, but even so, seems like people I know are all about the long-term stuff. Maybe not lifetime commitments, but several years at least. I don't think I know anyone right now who actively seeks one-night stands.


I'm gonna stick my neck out and suggest that your personal life and, by extension, world-view is based around the culture of the college campus. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Quite the opposite.

It's just that the cosy world you describe isn't the default for most people. The rest of the world is a jungle. Particular the working class enclaves. It's a shame because I would, in another life, have loved to have sampled the "college experience". I never did. I studied for years, but part time, night classes, distance learning etc. I had a mortgage at the age of 22.

I would have loved to have lived on site with hundreds of horny and naïve young girls. Especially posh ones. Love the posh ones

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Mon Dec 01, 2014 6:39 am
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Post Re: Girls - when in your 30s
MGamesCook wrote:
Most of the people I know my age, whether facebook friends or actual friends, are in a serious relationship. Not sure if that's more common for my age group now than it was 10 years ago. So many people my age getting married as well. I was typically "on the hunt" in college for our frat parties. It was fun, and I had my share of successes and failures. I never thought I would end up in a relationship so soon, but lo and behold I've been in one for 2 years and I'm not even 24. Several of my old frat bros have been in relationships for 5 years or more. I know a few that ended after 4-5 years, but even so, seems like people I know are all about the long-term stuff. Maybe not lifetime commitments, but several years at least. I don't think I know anyone right now who actively seeks one-night stands.


MGamesCook, what you state above is rather interesting to me, and could be a cultural thing. Anecdotally, I've found that Americans in general tend to enter into serious relationships at an earlier age than those of a similar age bracket in other countries. I'm a Canadian from Toronto, and among my friends/peers from Canada (aged 24-40), a little less than half are married or are in serious relationships. I've noticed a similar trend among my friends/peers from European and Asian countries (I also have one friend from an African country who is a couple of years older than me who is still single as well).

By comparison, among my American peers or relatives within that same age group, all are married or are in serious relationships.


Thu Dec 04, 2014 10:32 am
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Post Re: Girls - when in your 30s
NotHughGrant wrote:
I had a mortgage at the age of 22.



If you had a mortgage at the age of 22, then I take it you bought a house at that age? That's quite impressive, since I thought that homes in the UK are generally very expensive (but then again, maybe I'm only thinking of London).


Thu Dec 04, 2014 10:35 am
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Post Re: Girls - when in your 30s
It was an old miner's cottage built in 1806 and was smaller than one of those cardboard things you put footwear in - a shoebox. That's it

But don't assume because i owned young that i'm rich. Owed to the property crash we made a measely #2000 profit, about enough for legal and agent fees.

I live in East Lancashire. I'd wager a pint of nut brown ale that you know more of London life than me. Its property prices are among the highest on Earth (and therefore, for dramatic effect, in the solar system too)

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Thu Dec 04, 2014 5:40 pm
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Post Re: Girls - when in your 30s
NHG must be Lena Dunham in disguise, trying to get ideas for her next hit HBO TV program. Being comfortable with your naked body doesn't translate to success once you're into your 30s. Real writing must be done!


Mon Dec 08, 2014 2:03 pm
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Post Re: Girls - when in your 30s
You're just jealous cause you want the Hughster too
... you bitch

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Mon Dec 08, 2014 4:41 pm
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