Deep Thoughts...by Jack Handey
I may be (somewhat) dating myself here...man I hope not.
I remember this from SNL years back and thought it was so hilarious that I had a few I committed to memory. Of course, one could do an internet search if they so desired and read a whole bunch of em'...So anyway...does anyone out there have a favorite? Here's a couple of mine:
Probably the saddest thing that I have ever seen...is a mosquito sucking on a mummy. -- Deeeeeeep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
-- Deeeeeep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
And this gem I found on YouTube, with the original introductory voice from SNL (Phil Hartman, I believe).
Carl's Wing -- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ax96iVmTCI