Cast: Dana Carvey, Brent Spiner, Jennifer Esposito, Harold Gould, James Brolin, Edie McClurg
Director: Perry Andelin Blake
Producers: Barry Bernardi, Sidney Ganis, Todd Garner, Alex Siskin
Screenplay: Dana Carvey, Harris Goldberg
Cinematography: Peter Lyons Collister
Music: Marc Ellis
U.S. Distributor: Columbia Pictures
Indulge me for a moment (I deserve it after sitting through this movie) and turn back the clock ten years. In 1992, "Saturday Night Live" alumni Mike Myers and Dana Carvey were on nearly the same level of critical and public acceptance following the success of the two Wayne's World movies. Since that time, their careers have diverged so radically that the chasm separating them is now wider than the Grand Canyon. Myers is much sought after; Carvey is rarely seen. Nowhere is the difference more apparent than in the prestige factor determined by the cameos in their respective recent spy movie satires. For Austin Powers in Goldmember, Myers recruited the services of Tom Cruise, Kevin Spacey, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Steven Spielberg. For Master of Disguise, Carvey got Bo Derek, Jesse Ventura, Jesse Johnson, and Jessica Simpson.
The state of Carvey's career wouldn't be so lamentable if he was without talent. But, as he proved in Wayne's World and in "Saturday Night Live", he is a more-than-capable comedian. You'd never guess such a thing from Master of Disguise, a 75-minute sample of puerile rubbish that is listless, witless, and devoid of anything resembling humor. Only those carrying a canister of Nitrous Oxide into the theater will find plentiful laughs. The good news is that Master of Disguise isn't as bad as Freddy Got Fingered (the Holy Grail of cinematic unwatchability) - although primarily because it's missing scenes featuring animal masturbation and Rip Torn's buttocks . The bad news is that it's close, and, along with Corky Romano (another catastrophic misfire by and ex-SNL personality), it ranks as one of the worst releases of the last 12 months. What kind of warped mentality allows something this dreadful to make it to the screen? Master of Disguise is not as vulgar as Freddy Got Fingered, but, for those not in search of a masochistic evening, it's almost as offensive.
Master of Disguise is the story of Pistachio Disguisey (Carvey), a waiter with a bad Italian accent and a penchant for mocking customers. When his father (James Brolin) and mother (Edie McClurg) are captured by the evil Devlin Bowman (Brent Spiner, sans Data makeup), Pistachio's grandfather (Harold Gould) arrives to teach Pistachio how to become a master of disguise so he can rescue his parents. With the aid of his pretty assistant, Jennifer (Jennifer Esposito), Pistachio goes undercover in his quest to find Devlin's hideout and be reunited with his father and mother. Along the way, we are treated to one bad comedy sketch after another.
This is one case when the trailer is an excellent predictor of the motion picture. All of the best ("best" equating to least execrable) scenes are included in that two-minute big-screen commercial, and not one of them generated a laugh or piqued my interest. The final feature is much the same, only 74 minutes longer (and, in the final analysis, 76 minutes too long). There's a sense of desperation surrounding the movie - an underlying current of panic that could be the result of Carvey's need to have a hit to stave off obscurity. It won't happen with Master of Disguise. Word-of-mouth will bury this film so deeply in the box office trenches that it will take a trained archeologist to find it. The audience for the screening I attended (comprised mostly of children) laughed consistently only at a recurring joke involving a fart during Bowman's diabolical laughter. (I suppose if you are still stuck with the grade school mentality that a fart is funny, you may be momentarily amused.) The rest of the intended humor was met by thunderous silence. Calling this an ominous sign is a massive understatement.
The film is the first effort from director Perry Blake, a longtime production designer for Adam Sandler (who is one of Master of Disguises' Executive Producers). If this is a fair example of Blake's capabilities, he should never again be allowed behind a camera. Rarely has there been a motion picture with such an inept sense of timing (and, in comedy, timing is everything). Add to that an awful editing job, and any residual entertainment value that could have been culled from Carvey's spastic antics is ruthlessly crushed. As much as I wanted to, I did not walk out of this film. And, since I suffered through the entire running length, there's no reason anyone reading this review should be subjected to a minute of the same indignity. Even the rare individual who died laughing while watching the trailer will discover that only half of that phrase - the "dying" part - applies to the experience of enduring the film.
© 2002 James Berardinelli